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Versatile Conversationalist
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 Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:25 pm
Well, I WAS just saying that they make great underwear~
c:
And.. well... that's about it. o 3o
But... YEAH.
Glad you found that note!
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:30 pm
Boy, tell me how any sense could be made of Duri and Mary squishing themselves to the outside of a moving subway car!?
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June Malatesta Vice Captain
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:31 pm
June Malatesta Boy, tell me how any sense could be made of Duri and Mary squishing themselves to the outside of a moving subway car!? XD Okay, out of context. I can't make much sense of that. But i'm pretty sure it made sense SOMEHOW when it went down.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:37 pm
Everything ALWAYS makes sense when you write it down!
Edit your scripts before yu hand them to me! *le flick*
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June Malatesta Vice Captain
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:43 pm
*Bows down*
OH. NOW I REMEMBER.
They were laying-stomach down to the train.
XD
My words! How they betray me!
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:57 pm
...............................................................................................wat? Then how are they in the window?
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June Malatesta Vice Captain
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:03 pm
Then, they crawl over to the edge of the train, and hang on over the side.
Which is horribly dangerous.
It's like laying on a table and then looking under said train by bending over it.
Although, it's a bit more uncomfortable.
> .>
I really wish I had any artistic skills so I could draw a diagram of what I want to say because my language skills are such crap.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:05 pm
...I guess it makes a little more sense now...
..
....and the pages don't really connect. .3. Btw.
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June Malatesta Vice Captain
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:07 pm
Wait, the first and second? Or the second and third?
'Cause.. well, I could probably fix it in either case.
>.> But I didn't want to throw in any filler space as in, them getting to the place or getting set up with the job or anything like that.
I could really work around things, toss a wrench in the place and make everything solid.
Just... not at 11 at night because I'm a smidge tired.
PLEASE. PLEASE SAY MORE THINGS.
Is there any preferred way as how you'd like things to flow?
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:12 pm
Well the first and second are harder to connect. Mainly because NOTHING'S HAPPENING IN THE FIRST PAGE.
It itself feels like a filler page because there's really nothing happening or any dialogue said.
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June Malatesta Vice Captain
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:15 pm
Ohhhh~ You'd like more dialouge?
Or a different entry altogether?
I could definitely change the scenario entirely.
I sort of can see what you mean by that.
The whole.. filler thing, anyway.
I prolly could move the train of thoughts some way or another.
= o= I'll be back in a bit, gotta gather ideas and do sauce.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:31 pm
Alright, I'm now clean and full of ideas and sleepies.
So... how about if the subway was the first tunnel?
Well, the train itself rather. Like June and Bishop are walking past civvies on the train. And the first page goes into a bunch of background dialog?
And then, the fourth page actually goes into the actual.. web comicyness, and introduces the characters'... well, characters on a smaller basis so that we can get more spotlights on single characters and the world itself rather than trying to manage all of these mercenaries?
WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE MERCS.
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Versatile Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:38 pm
XD Also, swing by tomorrow Juney.
I really have to get to bed.
I promise that I'll have something for you on each of your free days.
... Whichever those are. >->
But yeah, I'll rewrite it tomorrow..
And start messaging me on facebook, or Deviantart or whatever.
I'll spend more time there if you can actually get things there.
Although, I will say that I have a tendency to go off and play Borderlands 2 with friends for long periods of time.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 4:43 am
Duriono Alright, I'm now clean and full of ideas and sleepies. So... how about if the subway was the first tunnel? Well, the train itself rather. Like June and Bishop are walking past civvies on the train. And the first page goes into a bunch of background dialog? And then, the fourth page actually goes into the actual.. web comicyness, and introduces the characters'... well, characters on a smaller basis so that we can get more spotlights on single characters and the world itself rather than trying to manage all of these mercenaries? WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE MERCS. You'll get used to it. ^_^ People have done better with massive casts. I think you're portraying Aleta well. But yeah, you do have to get better at writing scripts and connecting everything together. What's this about a third page? Did I see that and did I edit it? .3. I don't remember.
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June Malatesta Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 5:18 pm
You sent me the third page, Ele .3. Lord I hope it was edited.
...
....
I'm scared to see what the draft looked like
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