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Welcome to the Writers` Workshop
and
Contest Charity Foundation
[ Second | Contest | Assignment ]
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[ Thread | Contents ]

[ First Post | Mahayr ]
--[ Staff Note ]
--[ Workshop Staff ]
--[ How it Works ]

[ Second Post | Mahayr ]
--[ Current Assignment ]
--[ Submission Guidelines ]
----[ Submission Form ]
----[ Submission Example]
--[ Peer Review Guidelines ]
----[ Peer Review Form ]
----[ Peer Review Example ]

[ Third Post | Major Domo ]
--[ Current Prizes ]
--[ Listing of Submissions & Peer Reviews ]
--[ Current Contest Leaders | Winners ]
--[ Contest Ignore List ]

[ Fourth Post | Sqarr ]
--[ Commentary | Judgements ]


[ Fifth Post | Mahayr ]
--[ Commentary | Judgements ]

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[ Staff | Note ]

--Welcome to the WW&CCF's second Writing Contest! Please excuse any wrinkles that may still need to be worked out; this is an on-going project that will be tweaked, modifed, fixed and overhauled as time and awareness permits.
--If you've stumbled across this contest and haven't yet visited our Headquarters, please do so now and brush up on our mission, rules and any other pertinent information that didn't need to be repeated here.
--Be aware that this is not a discussion thread. It was created because this is an on-going competition that will encompass many rounds of submissions and goals, all overseen by the Writers Workshop & Contest Charity Foundation. Since there will be multiple rounds, we've decided to create a new thread for each round so as to keep things neat and tidy. Our Headquarters is where you can find all the discussion and questions you like about our organization. Please help us keep this as organized as possible to make it easy and accessible for the young writers of Gaia to participate.
--Thank you for stopping by! We hope to hear from you soon. Do let us know if you have any questions or comments and we will do our best to respond quickly.
--Again, just to be positive everyone sees it: Be absolutely sure you visit our Headquarters [HERE] before posting anything in this thread! Please do not bump this contest! Thanks!
-----Sincerely,

-----The Writers Workshop and Contest Charity Foundation Staff 3nodding

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[ Workshop | Staff ]

[ Publisher | Mahayr de Ba`Haleahr ]
--[ Workshop Management ]
--[ Public Relations ]
--[ Judging ]

[ Editor-in-Chief | Sqarr ]
--[ Proof-Reading ]
--[ Judging ]
--[ Site & Thread Administration ]
--[ Art Direction ]

[ Agent | Major Domo ]
--[ Bookkeeping ]
--[ Donor & Sponsor Relations ]
--[ Prize & Award Handling ]
--[ Advertisment ]

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[ How | It | Works ]


--1. Writers will be given a subject and contest assignment to be completed by a set date. An example and guidelines will be posted in a clear and concise manner and all writers participating in the contest assignment will be free to contact the Workshop Staff [both in public and private] with questions, suggestions, et cetera, before submitting.
--2. Current Contest Assignments will be posted and details of the contest assignment will be given in the second post of this thread. Newest information will appear first.
--3. Writers will be required to review and assess at least one other contribution, based on a form to be provided for that portion of the assignment. Such reviews will be comprehensive according to the following criteria:
-----a. [ Style ]
-----b. [ Narrative ]
-----c. [ Characters ]
-----d. [ Grammar & Punctuation ]
-----e. [ Plot | Originality ]
--4. Writers Reviews will be based on a star system:
-----1 - 5:
--------1 = Poor
--------2 = Fair
--------3 = Average
--------4 = Above Average
--------5 = Exceptional
--A sixth, over-all rating does not need to be based on an average of the five above, but must be accompanied by an explanation of the reviewer`s over-all impression of the piece.
--5. Any participant failing to meet the review requirements will not have their own work considered for that contest assignment.
--6. Entry fees will be assessed any time we do not have enough in our coffers to award prizes without having to ask for entry fees. Our coffers will be filled by donations [gold, items, letters, boxes, trunks, et cetera] per the generosities of any Sponsors and Donators we can attract.
--7. Prizes: First prize, Second prize, Third Prize, Honourable Mentions [number to be based on entries and Staff discretion]. Each prize will be named at the beginning of the Contest Assignment and awarded on specified dates [based on when the contest assignment ends, time taken for judging, and completion of contest assignment business by the Workshop Staff].
--8. All other Workshop and Charity Foundation rules and guidelines will be followed. Failure to do so may result in a correction or warning. Gross failures will be taken as an indication of laziness or apathy, and the participant may be ignored or black-listed.


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[ Current | Contest | Assignment | Scope | & | Goal ]</center>

--With this contest, we hope to help you improve your ability to perceive the world around you by making you take a closer look at something you might not normally have thought to look so closely at. We will also be looking for proper use of the English language, but non-English participants will still be considered. If your native language is not English, please let us know when you make your submission.
--We would most like to see participants stretch their personal limits of perception and share what they discover with the rest of us. In this way, we hope to see budding young writers improve their ability to create and portray settings and characters that have more depth and believability.
--Please take your time when preparing your submission. There is no set time limit you must adhere to for this contest, though we will be closing when we reach fifteen submissions.
--We look forward to an exciting second event and wish you all happy writing, and good luck.

--Submission Type and Length Limits:

----- Short Story OR Prose OR Commentary OR Memoir - 1000 words

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[ Contest | Prizes ]

mrgreen First Prize - 5000 Gold or Equivelent Prizes (Winner's Choice)
mrgreen Second Prize - 3000 Gold or Equivelent Items (Winner's Choice)
mrgreen Third Prize - 1500 Gold or Equivelent Items (Winner's Choice)
exclaim Honourable Mention(s) - If any - 500 Gold or Choice of items.

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[ Submission | Guidelines ]</center>

--The Second Contest Assignment for the Writers Workshop & Charity Contest Foundation will be Short Story OR Prose OR Commentary OR Memoir [pretty much anything BUT poetry; that will come later].

Dates: Open on December 13, 2004 [revised 1/19/05] and will close when fifteen [15] submissions are recieved.

This means you will be submitting...

--1. A piece that will be some manner of narrative. This may be in the form of a short story, rant, commentary, report, prose, or personal memoir.
--2. Your submission may be about anything EXCEPT abortion, religion, or politics and should be about something that wouldn't normally be examined very closely. Originality will be very important for this contest.
--3. Your submission may be up to one thousand [1000] words. Yes, a few over will be acceptable. No, fiteen hundred [1500] will not!
--4. Observe the submission form!

...And we will be judging...

--1. Individuality.
--2. Consistent use of perspective and tense.
--3. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
--4. Strong Peer Reviews. See Peer Review guidelines for details. The Foundation Staff will be using the same criteria.

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[ Submission | Form ]</center>

Quote:
Author:

Title:

Contest Assignment Catagory: [Short Story, Commentary, etc.]

Word Count:

Submission Being Reviewed: [The submission YOU are reviewing for this contest.]


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[ Submission | Example ]</center>

Quote:
Author: Mahayr

Title: Truckers Today!

Contest Assignment Catagory: Commentary (Rant)

Word Count: 771

Submission Being Reviewed: Chan - "Growing Up"

It used to be - when traversing the Big Road (also known as the High Road because it has over passes that go over the low roads) for whatever reason - that you could rely on almost any given trucker for certain services. They may be unaware of said services, they may not notice the taking advantage of said services, they may become suspicious that you are using them for said services or think you are nutzoid or stalking them (truckers can be paranoid, you know...), and they (if having taken any notice at all) may test your resolve to continue attempting to avail yourself of said services!

Still! They should be at the very least reliable and hopefully, on occasion, actually cooperative! Ohyes, I have seen them be more than cooperative. In fact, I have seen the tables completely turned and the stalker become the stalkee! This becomes clear enough to any veteran truck stalker, and is easily diffused by following the trucker when he gets off the High Road to refuel at some public, well-lit, busy truck stop.

Just walk right up to him, poke him a good one in his huge and hairy chest, look up into his accusing eyes and say, "Listen, buster, I am stalking you and not the other way around! Get it? Good". Then turn on a heel, stomp off while grumbling loudly enough for him to hear fragments of the more inflected words (and they should not be cusses. Use words like "reliable", "used to be", "truckers today..." (mumble) - and make sure they sound as huffy as possible), get back in your car and obviously wait for the trucker to hit the road again, then follow closely... again.

This time, not only will they be more than willing to help you along, they will check on you often. This may be seen in the constant looks in the rear view mirror (theirs) or in actual periodic stops and conversations!

In my day, days of traveling long distances on the Big Road to visit relatives, inspect jobsites, run supplies, or camp in some to-die-for State Park miles away, you could rely on most truckers for several things:

1. Accurate and sustained speed. This came in handy in the days before cruise control. Truckers usually knew the speed limit, kept within a decent range of it (usually a tad faster), and knew where the cops were lurking ( generally in the trees in the median), and could go long distances without having to refuel.

When they did have to refuel, it was easy enough to just pick up another trucker. Sometimes I would get off, thank the trucker for the service, and be on my merry way. They were always nice about it, it made them smile, and my joy was complete.

2. Amusement. Truckers have their own unique brand of road play. This is clearly discernable for anyone making a habit of trucker services. Common road play may include: convoying, mini-convoying (truckers hauling the same-company stuff), tag, catch me if you can, lead truck, rear truck, don't let that car in, and blow out that guy's windows. It is even possible to occassionally join in!

They actually vie for position, actually work together for game success (they have CB radios, after all), and actually derive some pleasure from it all. Ohyes, I know. They've told me in those truck stops. We've had coffee. I know.

3. Accountability. Truckers often fall asleep at the wheel. They go long distances on tight schedule. They need a reliable back-up of their own. Ohyes, I know. On more than one occasion I have been known to move alongside said troubled trucker, gesture wildly for him to pull over (and they always do) then proceed to give him the Third Degree.

"Are you tired? You're weaving all over the road! Do you have coffee? Do you want some Kentucky Fried Chicken, its fresh? Do you need to take a nap, the next rest area is only 34 miles and I can keep an eye on you till we get there? Are you singing along with the radio and forgetting the road? Are you talking to some girl on the CB and getting all discombobulated - and forgetting the road?? MUST I have a wee word with her?? Are you reading and driving? Are you checking the map and driving? Are you drinking and driving? WELL???"

And those are only to name a few. You get the drift. You see how it is. You see my pain! What's up with truckers today?! Where have all the cowboys gone?


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[ Peer | Review | Guidelines ]</center>

--1. Ratings for each category will be from 1 to 5:
----a. Poor
----b. Fair
----c. Average
----d. Above Average
----e. Exeptional [Use with great discretion]
--2. Comments will be courteous and respectful. Remember, your own piece will be reviewed and evaluated and you would not want anyone to be unkind when reviewing your submission. The point in Peer Review is to give constructive suggestions and opinions while encouraging the growth and development of fellow authors.
--3. Categories will include Style, Narrative [where applicable], Characters, Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation and Plot/Originality.
--4. Style - Give consideration for individuality of expression. This includes word choice, phraseology, and ethnicity. Style is a fragile issue, and evaluations will not be based on reviewers` personal preference.
--5. Narrative - Flow, application, and relevance in regard to character conversation [where applicable].
--6. Characters - Believability, development, opinion, and feeling.
--7. Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation - See Style. Otherwise this is self-explanatory. Make allowances for British spellings, slang, and individuality.
--8. Plot/Originality - Type, development, climax, anti-climax, and conclusion. Freshness of ideas and expression.

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[ Peer | Review | Form ]</center>

Quote:
Author and Title: __________________________

1. Style Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
2. Narrative Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
3. Characters Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
5. Plot Rating: ______
---a. Comments:
6. Over-all Impression Rating: ______


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[ Peer | Review | Example ]</center>

Quote:
Author and Title: Chan - Growing Up

1. Style Rating: 3
---a. Comments: I thought your style was average because it seemed to lack detailed logic relating to <reference example of a detail such as a town referred to>. You might include such details as landmarks or <area where the story takes place in>.
2. Narrative Rating: 3
---a. Comments: While your style was mostly smooth and flowing, I found paragraph three to be choppy and unclear.
3. Characters Rating: 4
---a. Comments: I really liked your characters and could relate to them personally. For this assignment, you could say more about their thoughts, or their conversations could contain more detail about what is happening around them.
4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 4
---a. Comments: Obviously, you know how to use a thesaurus and spell checker! I do suggest a bit more variations, such as your repeated use of the word "slightly".
5. Plot Rating: 3
---a. Comments: I found the story interesting and personal, but not unique. Try going a bit deeper with this one, or use another situation that would allow for more surprise.

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[ Current | Contest | Prizes ]

--First Prize - 5000 Gold or Items Choice of equal value.
--Second Prize - 3000 Gold or Items Choice of equal value.
--Third Prize - 1500 Gold or Items Choice of equal value.
--Honourable Mention - 500 Gold or Items Choice of equal value.

--Please See the Foundation Charity Thread for Full Prize Inventory

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[ Submissions | & | Reviews ]

1. nomee - Tainted Glasses- Will review final submission.
2. Melinath - Love is dinner for two - Reviewed Tainted Glasses.
3. the_traci - The Mirror - Reviewed Love is dinner for two.
4. Kaaren - Red Backpack - Reviewed The Mirror.
5. Invisibob - Untitled - Will review (to be announced).
6. naishu90 - Reality and Memories - Reviewed Untitled (Invisbob)
7. Rookee - To be submitted - Reviewed Reality and Memories
8. Queen of Darkness Smab - The Night That Can Not Be Forgotten - Reviewed Red Backpack
9. welnis - Phantasy - Will review - to be announced.
10. Starving_Artist - Coffee Mugs
11. YoRei - Words Like Butter

I will message anyone needing to either review or post.

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[ Contest | Leaders | & | Winners ]


FIRST PLACE - nomee - Tainted Glasses

SECOND PLACE - Melinath - Love is dinner for two

THIRD PLACE - Starving_Artist - Coffee Mugs

HONOURABLE MENTION - Naishu90 - Reality and Memories

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[ Comments ]


I apologize for this contest taking so long. Due to my father's health and other obligations, I was unable to give this the time and energy it deserved. Hopefully, that will change.

Also, I just did not have the energy to do the reviews or commentary normally associated with this particular contest. If any of you have any questions, please message me and I will do my best to give a more complete explanation of my choices.

The next contest criteria will be posted within the next three days, and thank you all very much again. I will hope to see you next round.

My best regards...

Mahayr

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[ Commentary ]</center>
--Here we go...

--Let me just open this up a bit by saying that I'm an extremely critical person and that my judgments may easily be misconstrued as being brutal. I do my best to provide useful information rather than just saying something sucks or rocks. I hope the amount of effort and consideration I put into my reviews can be at least appreciated for being constructive.

--Yes, I went through the phase where I'd fly off the handle at the slightest negative critique from anyone, throwing fits about how I'll never be able to please them and such, but any of you with any serious intentions of being a writer needs to get past that phase in a hurry. This is another thing I hope to teach the young writers of Gaia: writing isn't just about stringing a bunch of words together. It's about heart, emotion, feeling, sensation... You can't touch someone if you're not touching yourself. Unless you intend to write Harlequinn sludge.

--If you happen to be among the unfortunate masses who feel gas station dime novels "is good readins", then please, by all means, don't submit here. Thank you.

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[ Judgments ]</center>

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[ Commentary ]</center>
--Here we go...

--Let me just open this up by saying I shamelessly copied this post from Sqarr and will now add my own comments. We make a good team because he is (see what he said about histerribleself) and I tend to be the opposite. Both gender and background contribute to our differences. I do hope that our individual and combined efforts will be understood for what they are - honest, well-intentioned, and sincere. I will never be brutal.

--Please know that it is our hope to encourage writing, not just for any initial entry to a given contest, accepting such as-is, but also to help writers improve. Reviews are required and given for good reason: to achieve a Finished Work. First drafts are rarely adequate and we do not expect to see many, but even so, re-writes will be encouraged and accepted.

--Unlike many contests, a first submission may be given an improved judgement if the writer makes an effort to take advice, work on re-writes, and re-submit as long as it is done within the time-frame of any on-going Contest.

--I agree with Sqarr, and I quote: "...Writing isn't just about stringing a bunch of words together. It's about heart, emotion, feeling, sensation... You can't touch someone if you're not touching yourself. Unless you intend to write Harlequinn sludge."

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[ Judgments ]</center>



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Title: Tainted Glasses (Where did our teacher's go?)
Word Count: 459
Tone: rant
Moral: Don't judge a book by its' cover. *I know this is a well-used moral, but it seemed to fit*

I can't understand why she didn't accept him. What was her problem? Why couldn't she look beyond the obvious? Can you believe she had the nerve to intimate he was just, "playing the fool?" Oh, I could have cheerfully strangled her.
For heavan's sake, couldn't she see beyond her own experiences with children? She had the gall to say, "I have 36+ children to watch and teach." Like I gave a flying rip how many kids she'd warped with her fouled logic. Can you imagine how many minds she passed over in her efforts to collect a paycheck?
Do you remember when teachers cared about what they were doing? I do.
Do you remember when teachers realized what they had to offer made a difference? I do.
Do you remember when teachers enjoyed children and encouraged their uniqueness? I do.
When did it become a paycheck-to-paycheck job? When did it become just a job? What happened to those inspirational men and woman who looked, individually, at a child and found one quality that showed the child he or she was a cut above the rest? When did those same men and women decide it wasn't enough to touch one child's genius and consider that alone an accomplishment?
When did teachers get to the point of shoving children under the umbrella terms, so they wouldn't have to dig deeper, work just a bit harder, for a glimpse of understanding which flashes in a child's eyes?!
Why did those teachers decide my son wasn't worthy of success? Where in the world did they get the idea I would just sit back and do the same thing they did, nothing.
So I shattered those tainted glasses, with relish, when I told her, "He wants to learn just as badly as you want to teach him." I ground those glasses under my shoe when I stated proudly, "I love my son and I want him to succeed." And I threw those glasses in her face, when I promised, "He will learn nothing from you."
For you see, autistic children excel in science and it would be a shame for my son's excellence to suffer because of her lack of humane empathy. I tell you, she came groveling back, full of apologies, when my son was diagnosed autistic (the type Einstein shared).
I glared at her and haughtily said, "I have nothing to say to you."

P.S. My son buried those tainted glasses with his 3.3 GPA and upcoming high school graduation (on schedule). I placed a wreath on the grave; I was questioned as to whom I attributed my son's successes to. I pointed to my son and replied, simply, " Him."

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PLEASE NOTE: nomee will review the last entry.

The next person to enter will do a Peer Review of nomee's piece, please be sure to read the guidelines and use the form and format provided in a post above and in the HQ thread.

Peer Reviews are to be posted BEFORE an entry, one right after the other.

Merci.

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Its not that hard since the simlplifications were instated! I need entries! I love the entries! I love the judging! I LOVE awarding the prizes!

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AND I am always open to suggestions in regard to subject, criteria, and promotions.

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Le sigh.

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Author and Title: "Tainted Glasses (Where did our teacher's go?)" by nomee

1. Style Rating: 4
--- a. Comments: Your style: A question/answer session, followed by a denunciation. Clear, but very ranting. I mean - I know it's a rant. So for a rant, this style is perfect. (Especially the repetition of "Do you yada yada? I do." wink But I would suggest going back and retooling it. Rant style is primarily effective for poetry and speeches. In writing, commentaries tend to get the point across better.

2. Narrative Rating: 3
--- a. Comments: The tainted glasses seem to be the idea behind this story - the focal point. The first half of the piece is your anger, but it almost seems only to be present so that you can use the metaphor of the glasses. It detracts from the rant. Perhaps, for this assignment, try introducing the idea of the glasses earlier. And clarify where they came from. Does the teacher actually wear glasses? Or are they conjured from the air?

3. Characters Rating: 2
--- a. Comments: There are three characters in the story: a horrible (kindergarten?) teacher, a loving, protective mother, and a misunderstood autistic boy. There's nothing else to them but the adjectives I just used. Perhaps - try writing the rant as a short story; try to find some value in the teacher and some fault in the mother; try to show us the autistic kid - what it is that the teacher calls "playing the fool."

4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 3
--- a. Comments: Here are corrections to several errors: In the title, the word should be 'teachers.' In paragraph 1, the proper punctuation is 'just "playing the fool?"' (No comma.) In paragraph two, the word is 'heaven.' I'm almost positive that's all of them.

5. Plot Rating: 3
--- a. Comments: When you said that the story was a "don't judge a book by its cover" rant, I began reading and almost immediately decided that the teacher was probably misunderstood. I was interested in finding out how the narrator (you?) came to understand that this intense hatred was directed at a book's cover, not the book itself. But as I read the whole thing, I realized the misunderstood one was the student - which I'm afraid is, as you said, well-used.

6. Overall Impression Rating: 3
--- a. Comments: It's an effective rant. But I think you could get a lot more out of the situation by trying to write a poem or a short story about it. Especially a short story.

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Author and Title: "Love is Dinner for Two" by Melinath

1. Style Rating: 4
--- Comments: I liked the layout of the story, and your use of words were very nice.

2. Narrative Rating: 4
--- Comments: I thought the flow was nice, although I was a little confused when it switched between the two main characters to the others.

3. Character Rating: 3
--- Comments: I don't think you brought out the full potential of your two main characters. I felt no real emotion from them, but I'm sure with a little work you can fix that ^^

4. Grammer, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 3
--- Comments: There were no spelling problems that I could find, but some of your sentences went on forever. One paragraph was just one sentence with many commas and semi-colons. Break them up a little, so that it will be easier for your audience to read. Also where quotation marks should have been there were question marks. I'm sure this was caused by the computer though.

5. Plot Rating: 2
--- Comments: What was this story actually about? What was the purpose of the angry man at the beginning? I couldn't really find an actual plot to this. I think this story has alot of potential. You just need to find out what that is.

6. Over-all Impression Rating: 3

P.S. - please don't hurt me! sweatdrop

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Author: the_traci

Title: The Mirror

Contest Assignment Category: Short Story

Word Count: 320

Submission reviewed: Melinath's "Love is Dinner for Two"

She stood there, looking into the mirror that whispered things to her she never wanted to hear. It would taunt her and tease her.... as if telling her it would be better if she rid herself of this world. She stood helpless watching the mirror as it muttered continually, "You're ugly, nobody loves you, everyone wants you dead..."

The girl shook her head, refusing to believe such harsh words. Her flaxen hair sticking to her face from all the tears that ran down her cheeks. "No, it can't be true..." but the mirror continued to chant the words that cut into the girl so much. She brought her hands to her ears refusing to hear the words anymore. All her life the mirror ridiculed her. Her reflection seeming to be more than what it was. Always saying things that would almost push her over the edge.

She would scream and beg for it to stop, but it never did. Her image in the mirror haunted her, causing damage that rotted her brain. "No," she would say, "please stop!" but the mirror just smirked as it continued its torment.

This time was different. This time she didn't want to hear these words that weighed her soul down. She stopped shaking and calmly placed her arms at her side, looking her reflection straight in the eye. Her reflection stopped as well, as if wondering where this new found strength came from.

The girl took one large breath, and sent her fist flying into the mirror, shattering it into hundreds of pieces. Even though her hand started to bleed, she never noticed. She looked at the floor now covered with the broken glass, smirked with satisfaction, and turned to leave the thing that deteriorated her for so long. Never looking back, she shut the door. The broken mirror containing her reflection watching her the entire time.

After all... mirrors are our worst enemies.

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Author and Title: the_traci, The Mirror

1. Style Rating: 3
---a. Comments: I thought your style flowed a little too much and a little too fast. It seems to be in a hurry to get through the emotions. You may want to pause moments in between the emotions you portray through your writing by accentuating them with punctuation and word usage. Like the sentence: "Her flaxen hair sticking to her face from all the tears that ran down her cheeks." could be reworded into: "Her flaxen hair stuck to her face, wet from the tears that had run down her cheeks."

2. Narrative Rating: 2
---a. Comments: I really liked the narration until the end. I want to know more about where the power to break the mirror came from. Was it mere anger and annoyance? Or did she really overcome her conflict? This seems to be lacking. Then the last sentenced broke the continuity of the piece by suddenly using a personal pronoun: our. This pronoun brings in the author as a part of the narrative when the author was absent before. It's like changing the "flavor" of the piece.

3. Characters Rating: 4
---a. Comments: You did a great job painting the character's picture. I can almost see her, standing before my bathroom mirror with tear streaked eyes and flaxen hair.

4. Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Rating: 2
---a. Comments: I would go over this piece again; some verb tenses could be better and some adverbs could be better left as verbs. For example, the last sentence could read, "The broken mirror containing her reflection watched her the entire time." One last note would be use of punctuation for those run-on sentences.

5. Plot Rating: 2
---a. Comments: The plot is beautiful, but it could be "thickened." There could probably be more soliloquys where more of the character's personality is revealed, or where the source of her conflict is clarified. Then as I've stated above, when she broke the mirror did she really overcome her conflict? Or if not, why?

6. Over-all Impression Rating: 3
Gaia Forums » MISC Forums » Forum & Sticky Archive » Writing Contests

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