I liked the message in the poem... but... the beat didn't seem consistent to me. And also, most of the time you went from rhyming lines two and four, but on some stanzas you skipped rhyming altogether. I think there were a few too many syllables in the second and fourth lines of the first stanza, too. Because there's ten syllables in the first one, then thirteen in the second, eleven in the third - and that's good, and then sixteen in the last. It's just to long of a jump in my opinion, so, because of that, the poem didn't have a steady beat. The gap between syllables within a stanza needs to be small, like one or two.
Amazing meaning though. The wording of it could just use some... tweaking, maybe? I don't know. It's your poem, so therefor, your decision.
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