|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 10:37 pm
Okay it's my first one. I'm not sure if it's good. I've never written a fanfic. Let me know what you think.
I sat quietly, watching her from the corner of our room. There were only a few more hours to go before she would be awake. Then we would know if she had been changed.
Every time she looked as if she were in pain my unbeating heart tightened in my chest. I was afraid she would never wake up. That somehow I had taken too much of her blood.
Thoughts raced around inside my head. 'Was she going to live throught the change? Will she be diffrent when she wakes.' And possibly the worst of al these thoughts. 'Will she still love me?'
Alice walked in and stood beside me. She placed her hand on my shoulder, trying to make me feel better."She'll be okay Edward , Don't worry so much. If something were going to go wrong I'd know about it . Right?"
I sighed lowering my head. I wanted to believe Alice. I just couldn't help but worry. Just as I was about to say something Bella spoke.
"Ed-Edward?" She reached out towards me then fell silent.
"Bella!? Bella, are you alright?" She didn't move. It if was possible my heart was breaking. I know that if I could have I would have shed enough tears to form a river. I'd lost my love. And worse, It was all my fault.
Alice made a move towards me. I let out a snarl of protest and she left the room.
I sat beside Bella holding her hand. I couldn't tell if the stop of her heart was from death or from changing. So I waited.
Several hours had passed and nothing had happened. I had finally given up hope. I stood and walked toward the door. Before I made it Bella was at my side. Alive. I couldn't control my excitment."Bella!!" I yelled as I wrapped my arms around her waist twirling her in the air."You're all right." I pulled her face to mine and kissed her. My lips cold and hard agaisnt her soft lips.
"Yes I'm fine.Why shouldn't I be?" She looked at me as if I were crazy. I didn't want to let her go. Not ever again.
"I thought I lost you?"
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 4:50 pm
Isn't she a vampire now? In your fanfic, i mean. Shouldn't her lips be cold and hard too? But it is very good, I was so into when I was reading it. I felt like I was Edward. Very nice. I was only confused with the part where she had soft lips and not hard lips if he had turned her into a vampire.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:55 pm
Good point. Though I kinda think Bella is the exception when it comes to vampire like ablities. Plus I think to Edward she'd still feel soft and delicate.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 3:20 am
that was very good. i wouldnt compare it to stephamie meyer but it was actually pretty close. it felt like i was there. good job.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 8:27 am
Very nicely written. You did one of the things that Stephenie Meyer often does; you don't describe the setting enough.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
