....or coffee (thee means tea in dutch... nvm bad joke)

ANYWAYS... i just recently joined this guild and since I have been lacking in the 'Finishing the stories you start writing' department, I thought I'd put up something a bit more old. I can see things that need improvement in the writing itself but, since it's older, what I am mostly interrested in is the way the story feels to you, the readers. What kind of emotions (if any) did it invoke? Did it flow well? Stuff like that.

The people that have read it and told me what they thought about it, liked the story (though my mother did not get the end rolleyes ) but I am more interrested in what could be better right now.

The story is in my journal and is semi-longish but I've written longer short stories before sweatdrop :
http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/?mode=view&post_id=13343807

If you take the time to read my story then thank you very much ^^ and I hope you'll enjoy it.