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 Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 2:06 pm
Okay. I'm working on a story. Below is the prologue. I just want to know what you think. I've given the rest to members of my family, and a couple friends, and they all say it's great, but for some reason, I still doubt myself. I don't know. Anyway.
Over 30% of the population is at least 1/4 demon, angel, troll, were-wolf, and pretty much any other mythical being you can think of. They are known as “Dark” beings because after dusk is the only time they can venture out in relative safety. They are outcasts. They are hated, feared, and hunted. They are my people. For my name is Lily and I am one of them.
Does it sound interesting?
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:29 pm
Not really.
Well, not really at first read, but after a second time it does.
For one, because it is one big block paragraph, I tend to skim through it and that lessens the effect it could have. For another, the numbers not being written out. Numbers are a pet peeve of mine.
Listing out all the different mythical beings kind of turns me off too.
You could try ..
Over thirty percent of the population has some form mythical creature in them. Demons, angels, trolls, werewolves; just about any magical being you could imagine exists.
They are known as the "Dark" because after dusk is the only time they can venture out with relative safety. They are outcasts. They are hated, feared, and hunted.
They are my people.
My name is Lily, and I am one of them.
I hope that helps some. heart
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