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 Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:51 pm
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take s**t from anybody.
No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.
Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 10:44 pm
mimis-glass-piano Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face. annie's in trouble...
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 9:40 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 8:47 am
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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 5:47 pm
...isn't there already a chuck norris thread in this guild?
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Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:55 pm
i felt like i needed my own because my jokes are just that amazin'!
or intense-
(gets roundhouse kicked)
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