You're traitors. All of you. You know who you are, you mangy little cowards. So what if I'm brave, if I can't be pushed around like certain other people? So what if you think I'm the most annoying person on the planet. If you had just spoken to me, made me believe you, persuaded my thick little head to understand, then maybe none of this would have happened.
But it's really too late now.
I hope that you guys understood what you did. As soon as I was able to fully repair my trust factor, as soon as I was positive that you people were real, you made everything shatter yet again. My heart. My trust. My friendship. This is the third time it's happened to me. I thought I had gotten through the worst of this traitorism, this cowardism, this getting sucked in after I had passed through elementary school, but no. You guys were able to lower yourselves to the same mentality as a group of eleven year old school girls. And you were able to dissolve everything I had worked so hard to keep together in less than a day's time.
But I've got to ask myself. Do you really care? You've always thought that belonging was the best feeling in the world. And now you've finally found a way to achieve that. You've never been 'cool' or social enough to belong in anything popular, so you're going to take that out on me, forming your own little closed door clique, and effectively closing me out of it. If I've got ties to a friend, it's pretty easy to sever them. Especially if that friend can be persuadable, and has already been hurt several times by that same girl, the girl who needs to be exterminated. Well tell you what: those ties were supposed to be unbreakable. And I was fully prepared to make them that way, though you obviously weren't. Which is how these problems were created in the first place. You've hurt me plenty of times. But I've been able to hang on. If I had known that you were that weak, I would have let go sooner. It wouldn't have hurt as much.
But I hope you cried harder than I did. And I hope you're still feeling the pain that I felt that first day, that first week. And through that pain, I've been able to create something nearly impenetrable, something that may never let me trust again. And I'm hoping that until I get over this, I'll simply be able to lay the blame on you. Because that's the easiest way, and that is mostly the truth.
I still can't believe you dropped me so hard. That you would just let me fall like that.
I would never let myself do that to you, no matter how little you're able to believe a phrase like that.
So continue to get drunk on beaches, continue to pretend you're the biggest bad a** in the city, continue to bask in your friendships with liars and whores. I might never again feel like I belong.
But at least I'll be able to know when to say no.
I hope that you stalk HP well enough to eventually read this. In my opinion, it's pretty important. But you've probably found a way to make yourself forget all of this altogether.
--Cammie.
A couple explanations to the ones who are confused:
Candee and her friends, the ones who I thought were mine ditched me. It simply wasn't right, and I've never been able to get over it, though it's been at least two months. I'm not sure what I'll do when I've gone back to school, but I've got back up plans. Somewhat.
It's torn me up completely, though, and I haven't been able to talk to people in the same way since. I've been suspicious ever since I was ten, and it first happened to me, but I don't know if I'll be able to repair myself again. I'm hoping I'll be able to.
I don't think I'm going to be able to throw my heart out to just anyone anymore, and that'll make it SO much easier to make friends, to find myself falling in love. I lie in the comfort that I'll always be able to blame them and her from now on. Though some good that'll do.
