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 Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:40 pm
  I don't know what's wrong with me these past few days.
I've been grumpy and emotional and crap -__-
So sorry if I piss anyone off.
The rest is long ramblings, just want somewhere to put it. Feel free to ignore the rest.
___________________
I'm concerned about not spending time with my bf. He's got his internship Mon-Weds where he has to get up ridiculously early and thus go to bed equivalently early for the next day. So I can't really see him on those days.
And I have class on Fridays until relatively late, whereas he finishes class pretty early. Either he'll go home or he'll end up in a D&D game. Both rule out seeing each other until at least the evening.
Saturdays are semi-reserved for a game I'm in, but I can ditch that. Issue is that my production course will require a portion of my Saturdays, yet to be determined. Which may end up sucking if it's some s**t like 2-6. I'd get to his place in time to turn around and come home.
Oh, and since his internship thing on Monday starts so early he has to go to bed really early on Sundays, so that's pretty much ruled out.
So, Thursday.
That's not enough. Even if I free up Saturdays it won't be enough...
Only way of fixing this would be to get permission to sleep at his place/have him sleep here. But each is inconvenient for both of us. His internship is close to his place, my classes are close to my place. We live 1.5-2 hours of public transit away.
And considering how it had been a week since I'd seen him when I saw him this Thursday, and how I've been rough-edged since early Friday...
I'm worried -__-;
I'm also concerned about school. I've been out of it for so long & was so bad about doing assignments then, I'm afraid I'll get horrible grades/fail. I'm really neurotic about getting bad grades, as until College I always got great grades... failing is new to me.
And if I don't do well in University I'll have wasted money that could have gone toward getting the family away from the precipice of debts.
And I'll be ********. Guess I'd return to College and take the 3-year comp sci program, $1000 & an easy way into the industry. The industry that I don't mind but don't love.
I can't even get a shitty minimum-wage job now -__- so I really don't know why I'm even bothering with university. I can afford the first year's tuition because of the government having a pay-back-part-of-funeral-costs thing. But after that I'll likely be ******** suppose I could try EA mobile, who apparently hires ANYBODY. But then again, everyone said that about Babel -__-; I may play video games but clearly I'm no good at finding bugs -_-
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tl;dr - Whine whine, self pity, bitchmoan. cheese_whine emo
<3
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:46 pm
like i said in some thread, i forget which, i noticed you were a bit off d= its good to get it off your chest though =D
talk to him about this.. its important to make your relationship work even while you are both busy with everything.. text him, call him, email him, stay close no matter what. even if you have to stay over, its enough just to the moment to see him.. even if its far.. you just need to find other ways to stay as close as possible and find time for one another.
also with school, i wouldnt worry about that too much.. I havent gone to school in two years when i took my break from high school and though i would fail tooo. I did well. You just have to keep focused on it, even if you dont want to, and get passed PROCRASTINATION!.. its an evil enemy i must say.. that is what brought down some of my marks. they teach you new things and if you need help THAT is why teachers are there and students are willing to teach or help you.. some of them are anyways.. and if you need to stay late to get something done.. dont be afraid to.. I did so i wouldnt distract myself at home. just keep dedicated.. i dont mean to judge but you do seem like the type of person that if you try, you will be able to pull through. just dont give up.. i sounds like some cheesy cartoon or something.. this was just my experience and how i felt about going back into college..
with the job, try looking online too, and seeing what is posted.. Im not sure what its like there but i know in Alberta, we have jobs coming out of our a**, like.. ANYWHERE is hiring.. fast food.. retail.. just need to apply to places and work after school when you can while asking for thursdays off =d
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Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:00 pm
It sounds to me like you're too concerned with the future and not enjoyin' the present. Sometimes we make things so much worse on ourselves just because we worryin' ourselves into a rut.
For your relationship, I have this to say. From my experiences in relationships there have always been barriers that me and my mate would have to get over to achieve the next sort of "level" of a relationship. Sometimes they were easy, but sometimes it was a real test. I think a test every relationship has to go through is a test of detachment, where they are taken away from the person they love for a while and have to get through it with a positive attitude. People tend to worry too much about not seein' someone, but in a sense it is just the memories of someone that makes them special. I mean, if you hadn't had any experiences with your boyfriend would you love him? And as long as you have those memories then he's never really left your side, and therefore the one you love is always with you, or at least that's how I like to see it.
And college. College is different. So much depends on so little, and it can get really stressful. The best thing to do is just to relax. I did a paper on how sleep affects the mind and it improves a person so much, even if a person hasn't studied for a test at all. It's amazin'! I'm not sayin' don't study and don't try your best, just learn to relax and accept things as they come! It might help you, it certainly helped me!
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 6:00 am
Haha. I don't study. The very limited times that I have [can count them on one hand] I did worse than usual.
But theatre isn't really something you can study for xd ; Other than "studying" the play. Which I can handle. It's just the overwhelming stress of putting on a production, and considering this one will be half-decently professional, I feel I'll be falling behind all the kids that went to other colleges and actually DID something at all relating to theatre...
But eh, I won't know until I try, right?
Haha. Alberta is the freak value in this nation, darling. It is THE place to get a job. I've had a lot of friends go there for a summer or a year just to make money & come back.
Quebec has jobs, sure. But half the ones online seem VERY sketch [like asking for an ASSistant, or office help within one's home & posting it every day or few] And the other half require perfect fluency in French.
Let's 4-chan this one on job levels vs requirement to speak.
s**t-tier : Perfect bilingualism and decent people skills.
Low tier : Perfect french and decent english, work experience.
Mid-tier : Perfect in either language and some work experience in the field.
High tier : Very good english and a degree or lots of experience in the field.
Top tier : Perfect english, degree plus experience, no need for french at all.
My french isn't good enough, which means I can't get the s**t jobs, which means I don't have the work experience for other jobs, which is an evil loop.
<3
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 5:08 pm
lol wow... ASSistant eh? d= I only come accross one here that was COMPANY NAME CONFIDENTIAL! for GRAPHIC designer (with GRAPHIC in CAPS LOCK).. err.. yeah
I know about alberta being like.. job central i wasnt sure what it was like over thar.
anywho, you gotta give it a try.. putting it in production makes it all worthwhile though. and if you even think ya failed.. which you wont.. you know what you can improve on for next time =D Pfft.. while thouse other kiddies go to big colleges, they will be the one asking YOU for the job.. har har now who is evil..
To help you gain experience, you could volunteer.. and they might hire you! though not sure when you can have time for it
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 9:26 am
&Update;
School is fun, as mentioned in the main forum. I like all my courses so far, and the only one I haven't had yet I'm 90% sure will be my favorite.
Still a little concerned about my keeping up with the work, but eh, I've managed before, I should somehow squeak through again.
Slept over at my boyfriend's place twice this week. My dad was amazingly cool with it. He seemed a little begrudging about the first night, but I was asking before I went &such, so I guess he was alright because I was asking permission and such.
Second night I was invited to stay over while at dinner with him & his family, they asked if I was staying over. I reached for the phone xd ; My dad seemed almost happy when he said it was fine.
Job frontier still looks pretty shitty. No surprise.
Buuut, friends situation is deteriorating a little. I'm getting more of a sense of them not wanting me around. I'm being left out of the conversations most of the time, and when I interject it's often met with silence.
<3
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 3:41 pm
Oh man, gotta rant quickly. There is a time when everyone feels like they aren't wanted. I think it's some sort of monthly cycle type thing, but I swear it happens to everyone I know. Like in my cafe once someone came in sayin' how they were gonna leave gaia because they could tell that we didn't want them around, but the truth was that we loved havin' 'em around. And then like a week later I started feelin' the same way, but then it passed. It's so weird, and I wanna know what causes it, but I really think it's just some weird phase thingy!
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