My poem (Red and Black) | Page 1 | *♦*The Writers' Oasis*♦* | Guild Forums

Akira Sai Yamada

Offline

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:56 pm

Red like blood
Black like death
Red like solitude
Black like silence
Red like the senses of a demon
Black like the heart of the undead
Red like molten hatred
Black like the darkness of night
Red like the blossoming of a rose
Black like the shadows that feed on the night
Red like the love I have for you
Like a sigh piercing the moon
It pours red and falls black

This was for my sis and she liked it. Now i want to know what you think

Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:33 pm

Beautiful poem!
I love the color concept.

I'm assuming your sister loves red and black? And I'm sure she loves/will love it!

Otulissa
Captain

Eloquent Explorer

Offline

Akira Sai Yamada

Offline

Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:19 pm

Otulissa

Beautiful poem!
I love the color concept.

I'm assuming your sister loves red and black? And I'm sure she loves/will love it!

Thank you an she read it and loved it and yes those are her favorite colors and also my favorite colors.

Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:35 pm

A rather decent poem. I have a few bits of input if you doin't mind. =]

Quote:

Red the the senses of a demon

Did you mean to do that??

Quote:

Black like the darkness of night
Red like the blossoming of a rose
Black like the shadows that feed on the night

Double night doesn't make your poem flow. Not only that, but the last line is too long. If you read it aloud, it really upsets the rhythm of your poem...

You could even keep both nights if you found a way to shorten the last line...

But that's all...Other than that I really rather liked it =]

Alice Ate The Cake

Offline

Akira Sai Yamada

Offline

Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:12 pm

Birth Of Originality

A rather decent poem. I have a few bits of input if you doin't mind. =]

Quote:

Red the the senses of a demon

Did you mean to do that??

Quote:

Black like the darkness of night
Red like the blossoming of a rose
Black like the shadows that feed on the night

Double night doesn't make your poem flow. Not only that, but the last line is too long. If you read it aloud, it really upsets the rhythm of your poem...

You could even keep both nights if you found a way to shorten the last line...

But that's all...Other than that I really rather liked it =]

thank you. ill make sure to edit it.

Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:20 pm

You both love the same colors? That's so nice!~ I love red and black too! 3nodding

Otulissa
Captain

Eloquent Explorer

Offline

jewel_14

Skilled Citizen

Offline

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 1:02 pm

It IS a awesome poem.
And i'd love to know.
Who in their right mind
does not like red and black?
well thats just my opinon anyway.

(no offence to anyone who doesnt like the colors. To each their own i say!)

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 1:25 pm

jewel_14

It IS a awesome poem.
And i'd love to know.
Who in their right mind
does not like red and black?
well thats just my opinon anyway.

(no offence to anyone who doesnt like the colors. To each their own i say!)

Red and black are beautiful alone AND together.

Otulissa
Captain

Eloquent Explorer

Offline

jewel_14

Skilled Citizen

Offline

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 1:38 pm

Mhm!
......lolz we agree on a lot
XDD

I like that ^^

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 1:47 am

I just dont get why horror stories weren't read...oh well.

Akira Sai Yamada

Offline

Kikisaur

5,900 Points

250
200
200

Offline

Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 1:38 pm

omg! i noticed your user name! do you know sabaku no sakura chan!? well she changed it v.v
but you know red river?
theyre my friends too! lMAO coincidence!

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:48 pm

I am lost... xD;;

Otulissa
Captain

Eloquent Explorer

Offline

Akira Sai Yamada

Offline

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:04 pm

Kimiko Rini

omg! i noticed your user name! do you know sabaku no sakura chan!? well she changed it v.v
but you know red river?
theyre my friends too! lMAO coincidence!

Yes I do shes my sister and yeah red river uh we're not on good terms right now.

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:38 pm

ugh! i luv her! i met her in rally like 7-8months ago? yah xD oh they had a gaia bby x3 so adorable!

Kikisaur

5,900 Points

250
200
200

Offline

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

~The Surreal Sanctuary~

Quick Reply

More Information

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

~*The Surreal Sanctuary*~

Quick Reply

More Information

~The Surreal Sanctuary~