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 Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:59 am
Okay this is a question for all of the Transexual people here... How did you first know you were trans?
I know I'm Pansexual, but I'm not sure if I'm Transexual or not... {I've had dreams where I am a man and doing 'things'. I've often wondered what it would be like to be a male. I've tried binding a few times...} I've tried talking to a few people about it but they seem to think it's just a faze I'm going though {sister said she went through the same thing...}. Is it a faze or am I just messed up in the head...? I only have those thoughts sometimes, other times I'm fine with being female...
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:20 am
I've also wondered what it would be like to be a male. Also how my life would be like if I were a guy. But those thoughts enter my mind every once in awhile. I think that everyone has wondered what it's like to be the opposite gender at least once. But for you, I suppose it might depend on frequently it happens.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:02 pm
Well ask yourself what about being male appeals to you.If its mostly superficial things like body shape or voice,ect then you might ayndrogynus (sp?) but if you have serious issues with your body (doesn't sound like you do) then you might be trans.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:32 pm
Just wondering or having weird dreams really isn't much. In other-words, neurotic dreams don't really count. If you dream you are a boy/man most of the time it probably indicates that's how your brain is wired. Which gender would you be more comfortable as? Which gender are you the most comfortable with. If in a public toilet, do the presence of the same sex bother you? {Doesn't count if the presence of anyone bothers you.} In a locker room do you try to hide the naughty bits, or do you not care? How do you dress yourself on a daily basses? keep in mind that just being a slob doesn't mean you are supposed to be a man, any more then being interested in other girls/women. I remember an article I read a while back{Ok, it was a Play Girl} but the article said that it is normal for a girl/woman to crush on another individual of the same sex. You see someone you admire, and want to be like them. The same can be said for guys, but it doesn't mean you want to be one.
Most Trans individuals knew from a very early age that something wasn't quite right. When we figure it out we keep it to ourselves mostly as there are so many out there who are more then ready to tell us how sick, perverted, and twisted such people are, going to hell, etc, etc, etc...
You know you are trans when even after all the negative feedback you still would rather be the other sex then what you are. neutral
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:50 pm
Kitzumi said it fairly well. a lot of it isn't about whether you have dreams about being the opposite sex. there is a lot of questioning your comfort levels and whether you feel a sense of wrongness with your given body/sex.
Being trans(MtF), I can honestly say I wake up just about every morning in disappointment. I've also known that something was wrong from the very beginning but always kept it to myself cause I didn't know what it was all about and I felt shunned enough as it was for not wanting to play with the other boys.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 2:31 pm
For myself I always knew I was not female (I'm FtM). I didn't know that transgender people existed until I was about 16, and even then I didn't know of any people that had transitioned from female to male. I sort of thought there were transsexual/transgender women, and butch/masculine women. I identified as a lesbian even though I didn't have a sexual attraction to women because it seemed like the best fit. I don't think, or feel as if there was any sudden realization. I don't think it's something I've always KNOWN as many people may claim. I think it's been in the back of my head for sometime. I'm still not sure if I am a transsexual, or if I'm transgender (transsexuals are transgender, but not all transgenders are transsexual). I've been living my life as male part time (as close to full time as I possibly can) for about 3 years. For myself I never really had sexual dreams about being male until identified as a male for awhile.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 3:55 pm
I agree with what Zero stated, all of it.
I also am a trans, and have been living my life as a near male as I can without surgery for about as long as you Zero. And you are correct about "Transgender" and "Transsexual"--I'm glad you brought it up for those non-trans members here. Some of which are probably still scratching their heads over the paradoxical-seeming attributes of you earlier statement.
Back to the dream thing. No one really talks about it much b/c it conflicts with the bianary, polarized sex/gender stigma perpetuated by our society.
As a side example: my mom, on occassion will discuss with me how she is a man more often than a woman in her dreams at night.
She also has confessed that she's had sex in those dreams as a man.
There is nothing abnormal about unconsciously dreaming about yourself as being a different sex and even less so than wondering what it would be like as another sex.
I try to describe my transgenderism as being the one truth that no one else could see. Essentially they couldn't see the forest through the trees.
I've never changed my whole life in terms of who I am.
Conversly, it has been society, and all those that make up the propagandistic dribble of fake bianaries that changed.
I stayed the same, they insisted on seeing me as something I did not perscribe to.
In the end I realized that I could not realistically fuze with this role of "girl" or even "woman" and I decided to choose me over society's idea of how I am to be based on the body I was born into. Now my outsides match my insides more than they ever did before I gave up on bianaries.
Puberty is cruel for transes.
It was not until I came to college that I even realized the idea of transsexualism or transgenderism as being real and outside of myself. All this time I knew I was not fitting into the puzzle of everyone around me but I didn't have anything other than personal conviction to go off of. There were no terms, no labels and especially no examples I could go to, seek out and learn about where I was at in life at that time.
Imagine my joy at discovering a term, by sheer coincidence, that for the first time felt like I had just been illuminated by a bright light.
There it was: Transgender.
I had been under the impression that you were either gay, straight, bi or a trannie--as most of the world believes. It gets confusing what to know is true unless you, yourself are one of those outliers that don't fit into bianary stigmas.
I discovered that I was transgendered and that was OK.
I didn't have to know that I wanted surgery from the day I turned three to not count, to not be valid.
I am a trangender Neutrois and I know that I am something b/c I feel it like I've always felt it, even before I had a name to put with it.
So there is really no way to describe knowing when you were this or when you realized you were that.
I too identified as gay secretly for a while b/c I didn't know where else to go.
That in the end generated a lot of strife for me b/c it was such a bad fit with those "real gays" and I faced much discrimination for it.
I also didn't have similar sexual desires as those around me, guiding me either so it seemed all in my mind for the longest time.
What it all comes down to, for me, is when you are confronted with ideas that are not your own and upon refusing to accept another's idea for who you are, you are aware of your own consciousness, your real identity, even if you don't have all the facts right away.
Sorry to rant sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 5:42 am
chiaroscuro13 I agree with what Zero stated, all of it.
I also am a trans, and have been living my life as a near male as I can without surgery for about as long as you Zero. And you are correct about "Transgender" and "Transsexual"--I'm glad you brought it up for those non-trans members here. Some of which are probably still scratching their heads over the paradoxical-seeming attributes of you earlier statement.
Back to the dream thing. No one really talks about it much b/c it conflicts with the bianary, polarized sex/gender stigma perpetuated by our society.
As a side example: my mom, on occassion will discuss with me how she is a man more often than a woman in her dreams at night.
She also has confessed that she's had sex in those dreams as a man.
There is nothing abnormal about unconsciously dreaming about yourself as being a different sex and even less so than wondering what it would be like as another sex.
I try to describe my transgenderism as being the one truth that no one else could see. Essentially they couldn't see the forest through the trees.
I've never changed my whole life in terms of who I am.
Conversly, it has been society, and all those that make up the propagandistic dribble of fake bianaries that changed.
I stayed the same, they insisted on seeing me as something I did not perscribe to.
In the end I realized that I could not realistically fuze with this role of "girl" or even "woman" and I decided to choose me over society's idea of how I am to be based on the body I was born into. Now my outsides match my insides more than they ever did before I gave up on bianaries.
Puberty is cruel for transes.
It was not until I came to college that I even realized the idea of transsexualism or transgenderism as being real and outside of myself. All this time I knew I was not fitting into the puzzle of everyone around me but I didn't have anything other than personal conviction to go off of. There were no terms, no labels and especially no examples I could go to, seek out and learn about where I was at in life at that time.
Imagine my joy at discovering a term, by sheer coincidence, that for the first time felt like I had just been illuminated by a bright light.
There it was: Transgender.
I had been under the impression that you were either gay, straight, bi or a trannie--as most of the world believes. It gets confusing what to know is true unless you, yourself are one of those outliers that don't fit into bianary stigmas.
I discovered that I was transgendered and that was OK.
I didn't have to know that I wanted surgery from the day I turned three to not count, to not be valid.
I am a trangender Neutrois and I know that I am something b/c I feel it like I've always felt it, even before I had a name to put with it.
So there is really no way to describe knowing when you were this or when you realized you were that.
I too identified as gay secretly for a while b/c I didn't know where else to go.
That in the end generated a lot of strife for me b/c it was such a bad fit with those "real gays" and I faced much discrimination for it.
I also didn't have similar sexual desires as those around me, guiding me either so it seemed all in my mind for the longest time.
What it all comes down to, for me, is when you are confronted with ideas that are not your own and upon refusing to accept another's idea for who you are, you are aware of your own consciousness, your real identity, even if you don't have all the facts right away.
Sorry to rant sweatdrop I agree with both you and Zero.My earliest memories were of not wanting to wait until puberty and I became a real girl but @ 5 or 6 didn't quite understand that this just doesn't happen.I've always preferred "girl" activities over "boy" activities but every time I expressed such desires my father would remind me harshly that "boys" don't do that.So spent all of my childhood trying to conform to what my parents and society deems the gender "norm" even though I never really fit in.I did the cub/boy scout thing(even though I so wanted to be in girl scouts),the football thing(spent 7 yrs on the sidelines wanting to be a cheerleader instead)when I turned 18 did the army thing more out of pleasing my father(which I found out later in life he could have cared less what the hell I did it wasn't good enough for him) and obeying the law then really wanting to be there.All the while I was dressing the way I felt in private.I didn't realize there was a term for what I was until I was about 20 and then it was so taboo that if you came out and weren't rich enough to keep yourself out of the nutty ward thats where most TS/TG's ended up. it wasn't until my early 30's that I came clean with everyone and wanted to transition fully then(I had a decent enough job to afford the expense involved in a m2f transition) but there was a major problem I had a family now which alot of late onset TS/TG's have.Now I had both my birth family and my immediate family criticizing me for wanting to transition my mom kept using the if you come out they will lock you away line(and still does to this day).And my now ex was what about your children they will be to confused(a fact that only turned true with their getting older).So I spent the next 8 yrs in a semi-miserable state(I was living full time away from my home and as a "male" at home.After 8 years of doing that I took a job that would allow me to be home more and dress less to be with my kids but as time went on drew more miserable about myself I became a recluse only going anywhere on an as needed basis my health deteriorated my relationship with my wife and friendships suffered along with my job(lost it do to pot) turned to drugs basically hit a bottom.A year after losing my job health had gotten so bad to suffer a debilitating stroke.After recovering as much as is expected I decided enough was enough I started to dress more and more the way I felt inside felt happier then I had for years(even though I lost alot of physical abilities)even ex and her threats didn't phase me anymore,found a therapist that had some knowledge and dealings with gender issues,moved out and went totally full time and haven't looked back since its been extremely hard transitioning on limited income and on your own but since coming out I've found GOD and the Church again(stopped blaming him for the way I am)started going back to my passion of theater(was welcomed with open arms there)been a local activist for LBGT rights in my town.So I know my transition was the right thin g for me to finally become the person I've always knew I was.I still get alot of sneers and jeers but I also take the time to explain to people that ask "Why do you want to be a woman?" the best and easiest to understand answer I've been able to come up with so far is "I don't want to be a woman I AM a woman always have been just have this major birth defect" I know I've left alot out of my life story but if I included it all it would stretch several pages. OK so know I've done my rant gimme my 75 gold and I'll shut up lol wink
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Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:35 pm
It wasn't until very recently that I realized I was trans. For me, it was mostly the fact that I pushed a lot of my feeling out of my head, and I was really good at it. What happened though was that in the past year, not only was I challenging myself and my own views, but they were also challenged (in a good way) by a friend of mine I made in college. After that, I began to realize and acknowledge a lot of the stuff I was trying to avoid.
Point being, it was always there, but it was very deeply hidden for me. It's something that goes beyond just dreams and passing curiosities, or even the occasional dressing up as the "opposite" gender. It goes down into the core of yourself as a person. I'm not saying you aren't or are, just that you need to be clear of it yourself. Not saying that you can't ask for help (in fact, I'd highly recommend talking it out with other people and/or even a therapist), but it is something that you ultimately have to decide/realize for yourself.
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Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:24 pm
Nacirema7 It's something that goes beyond just dreams and passing curiosities, or even the occasional dressing up as the "opposite" gender. It goes down into the core of yourself as a person. Well-said, grrl! And its so hard to explain to those who don't feel this way, be they cis-gendered or wannabe trans-folk. By the way, welcome to the exciting world of life as a tranny. PM me when you need a friend to gritch with.
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Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:28 pm
Me I always knew i was different, i hated it, i hated playing with boys and all their violent boy games as a child, i wanted to play Barbies and Dolls and House and Family and Make-up but my mom would never allow it, everytime i brought home a Barbie she would throw it away and say "You Are A Boy, NOW ACT LIKE ONE!!!" i hated her for it, and as for puberty, OMFG, was a living hell, i believed i would grow breasts and get my period and get all curvy and and well all Womanly lol, but no, none of that happened, instead, i got facial hair, muscles, tall, and handsome, according to my ex, anywho it was a nightmare, i almost commited suicide a few times just because of what i was becoming...A Man, ewww, but i ended up pulling through and now i am 20 years old and i am on Hormone Replacement Therapy, ive been on since October 15th, 2008 and i now finally have my natural grown breasts, my curvy hips and waist, my man muscles and gone and have been replaced with more womanly body fat, my skin is so soft, my facial hair is almost non-existant, my emotions are more than what i could imagine, i can actually cry now, back as a man i didnt know how to cry, now i do and as annoying as it can be its still like no other feeling in the world, i am now just waiting for GRS surgery, i look forward to that day more than my wedding day, im happier than ive ever been in my life, and for all you other T-Girls and T-Boys out there, i hope you follow your dreams and make yourselves happier than youve ever been, cuz really theres no greater feeling then actually being able to look into the mirror and recognize whos looking back at you.
Good Luck to all Transgenders out there, Make your dreams come true, I know I am *Gigglez* xD
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Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 8:23 pm
I'm genderfluid. I enjoy crossdressing and I wish I could switch genders at will... but I wouldn't want to be male. Especially since I married my wife, who has no interest in the male body, really. smile
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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:42 pm
Yeah, for me it was sort of an ignorant thing. I had no idea whatsoever of any of this, I just had all these weird things happen to me. Like, I'd always tell my friends and family I was different, didn't really know how, and they'd push it as I was a normal boy. I was really oblivious to puberty and what not till it actually hit, and even than, all I remember was just watching the other girls, dreams of feeling so..Comfy. ^-^. Hehe, thought I was weird and pushed it aside trying to act, apparently, normal, until I hit college. At around age 20, a person asked the question of if I really wanted to be a girl. I remember that day, such a warm sensation. Although, yeah, it really makes me mad when I take a look back, wishing female puberty would happen. ;-;
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Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:53 am
Puberty was a non event for me. Didn't start shaving till I was out of high school, and never got lots of muscles. Just tall. Yes I kept it hidden for years, but from now on things will be different.
I got my GRS on the 9th, and am thrilled, and delighted. Still healing up though, but it's great to finally be the woman I was supposed to be. biggrin biggrin biggrin
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