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 Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:22 am
Heatmas!!!
Narrator:
Holidays are here, the best time to give the best wishes has arrived and the BTWF is no exception, the huge building where titanic battles are held, where men suffer, endure pain and overcome huge obstacles is all alone and in silence, not a single soul is there, the entire roster is resting at home, everyone is... hey! what... what the... who are you?, no-no don't dooooont...gaah..guh......... ahem, sorry for that esos, now as i was saying vatos, this month is well known for being the money squizzer for the gringos, i mean, why do they give gifts, who's this damn fat guy who wears red suit, a stupid hat with a bunny tail on the end and a huge sack?, is he friends with felix the cat or something?, that cat has a never ending bag, maybe they share it but that's not the point, the point here is that this holiday is extremely dumb, give gifts on 24? then on new years?, hell i have enough with b-days presents and anniversaries but anyway... the dude i just knocked out was about to tell a nice xmas story... i believe he was about to say the old 3 spirits story... and with the BTWF vatos... but now that he is out i guess i'll have to do it... hahaha, Heatmas is here baby!, but since i don't give a damn about nice stories i'll edit it, hehehe, so here we go.
*swosh swosh swosh*
(Yes that's the... a tale begins effect)
Hot Sauce Inc. Presents
In Association with BTWF Media Group
The Heatmas!!!
Heat- So there he was, the most beloved fatso in the world, Santa Claus, ready to board his SantaRide XP2500-i, the reindeers were ready, the polar highway was ready and waiting for the sing, heh what Santa doesn't know is that any moment know the fans can turn their backs on him, now they chant Santa, Santa, Santa!!, but if he doesn't give them what they want, the damn bastards begin with the Heat Sucks, Heat Sucks, Heat Su...
Ari- Um... Santa Sucks!
Heat- Yeah that... anyway, where was i... oh yeah, so Santa is ready to board...wait a minute, Santa?, is he a she or what?, Santa...ptff, well i guess i understand, El Santo was taken , ha...ahem let's resume, so this was like any other xmas, the turbo booster were check, the anti-radar system was working, all was set, but Santa didn't knew that someone was tracking him since last xmas, someone which i wont name was waiting at the top of his 5 star hotel, The Hot Sauce Hotel... this mysterious character was..
Ari- Umm, you just revealed yourself dummy!.
Heat- Did i?...DID I?... bah, well yeah, none other than The Icon, The Magic One was tailing Santa, last year he did not got a single thing and it was payback time!
Ari- How can you say you didn't got a thing, last years...
Heat- PAYBACK TIME... so, using some gadgets the Aztec borrowed from his last visit to the CIA, the Mexican finally nailed the fat b*****d, and with a Tomahawk Pin Missile was waiting!. mahahahaha!
Chapter 1- Santa goes Down!!!
*Somewhere up in the sky*
Control- Kssssh... Santa do you copy?, i repeat... Santa do you Copy?
Santa- Roger!. Roger... hey is Roger arround
Control- Duuh, bad joke Santa, listen, your next stop is on Gaia, make sure to land outside town or the cops will take the reindeers away... again.
Santa- Okie dokie!.
*On Gaia, at the Penthouse of the HSH*
Bip-bip-bip-biiiiiip
*The marvel sleeps waiting*
Heat- zzzzzz... ghhhg... no, no.. gahh.. zzzz uh... UH?. hmmm...mmhm... bingo!, i The Heat finally encountered Santa!, Ari ready the shilo, open the hatch and start the count!.
*On the hidden hq*
Ari- Are you sure?, i mean You DO KNOW what you're about to do eh ? Think about the children!.
Heat- IT DOESN'T MATTER what the children want, desire, request, wish for or dream about, FIREEEEEE!!.
Ari- Fine fine... starting countdown, T minus 10 .. 9...
Heat- 8 -warp- 2... 1!, Attaaaack!
*Outside the Hotel, a small shack begins to shake, the roof opens and a missile takes off, no one payed much attention, the Can Cun Divas are dancing and no one interrupts them. In the air the missile opens the head, and 5 small missiles appear, not that far Santa is reading the map, unaware of the danger*
Santa- Ho ho ho, i think we gave a wrong turn rudholp, i don't see the.... wait, what's that?, 5 little bep things appeared on the radar..... OMG!!! take evasive manouvers boys, evasive manouvers!!!
*Santa buckles up as the Santa-Ride begins the evasive actions, the 5 missiles move around, circling him and the flying bambies, trying to escape, Santa enters a cloud bank but the missiles follow, a huge explotion occurs inside the clouds and Santa falls*
Santa- Jolly-1 Down, mayday mayday!, Jolly-1 Down i repeat... waaaaaa.....
*crash!*
Heat- Whoooooo, got ya fat man! Come Ari, let's finish him.
Ari- No, this is going to far, if you want to keep this fine but count me out, im ok with this new you, but going after Santa is not something i'll tolerate, do this and the fans chant Heat Suck with all his might... please?
Heat- That's a no then?, fine i'll pick up someone in the way that will help me, laters!.
*Heat leaves and upset woman at home, he heads out, hops in the Heatmobile and drives to the crash site, not with first going for a sidekick.*
-At the crash site-
Apolo- So, what are we doing here?, i was happily sleeping at home you know.
Heat- Yeah, yeah... listen bro, we are here to capture Santa and steal his magic sack!
Apolo- What?, you woke me up for this, this is folly, and i tough you had a great plan, now you're 3 seconds away to get the bea...
*Unfortunately, the Dream could not finish his word, 4 from 7 pets of Santa appeared and attacked, Heat and Apolo were decimated in seconds, then the fat man appeared*
Santa- Ho ho ho... hmph, so you two are the little devils who shot me down!.
Apolo- No, he shout you down, i just got here, hi Santa, got my letter?.
Santa- Hmm... yeah, let me tell you, not many people ask for that as gift.
Apolo- Yeah well im not like the com...
Heat- Enough!.
*Heat breaks free from the two reindeers that had him captured, he clothesline them then turns, Santa is shocked, Heat walks to him, kicks him on the gut and Game Overs the fat man, Apolo is speechless.*
Heat- Hahahahaha... Icon vs Holiday and i won, hahahaha!.
Apolo- Damn man, what have you done, this is sick, not even i would dare to do what you just did.
Heat- Silence!... damn man, being retired turn you into a girl, what's next with you? Join the Darsy Fan Base?.
Apolo- Hell no!!
Heat- Fine, now shut up, and you bambies better stay out if not i'll Heatwave your fat boss... hmm, lets see.
*Heat takes the coat and hat from Santa and wears it*
Heat- Ho ho ho b***h!, check this out, it fits... but how, im not that fat.
Santa- No, you're not, but that suit will match anyone who ever wears it.
Heat- Hey, didn't i took care of you?.
Santa- Yes you did, but you think i can go down that easily?.
Heat- My missile and i say yes!.
Santa- Hmph, that was a cheap trick!
Heat- Well if you're not cheating you're not trying ese!.
Santa- Ho ho ho, very true, unfortunately for you i have no ride now and i still need to deliver a lot of gifts, so you'll take my place, just until i get back home and get a new ride.
Heat- Forget it, na ah, i pass!.
Santa- Oh but you have the hat and the coat... and your own polar bear to help you!
Apolo- WHAT!
*Santa turns and stares at Apolo, who turns into a polar bear*
Apolo- Hey no, no please, anything but a dumb bear!.
Santa-Hmm, we still need the elf, the deer and the penguin.!
Apolo-Grrroar, i love to be a bear, groooar...sigh...
Santa- Good boy, now Heat, you decide your team, tell me 3 names and i'll appear them before us so they can help you.
Heat- You can do that?, hell yeah i want J-Lo, Spears and Jolie!
Santa- Umm... names of people you know!.
Heat- Bummer... hey i know Britny, we talked one time when...
Santa- NAMES!!!
Heat- Alright alright... chill out fatso, a heart attack might strike you if you get all angry.. let me see, my elf will be... hehehe, -Hombre Muerto- Voorhees!.
*Santa nods and turns, a white hume appears, then Anthony -Terrorizing- Voorhees appears with an elf attire.*
Voorhees- What the... what's going on?
Apolo- Heat summoned you, you're his elf now.
*Tony turns and chokes Heat*
Voorhees- What, what, what did you just do!
Heat- Ghhh.. vato.. ghhghh.. chill.. ex...explain....
Santa- Hey dude, calm down, you can kill him after the job is done... btw Mrs Claus is a big fan of yours, can i get your autograph please?
*Tony releases Heat*
Heat- Gaaahhh... phew... listen Hombre Muerto, the old fat b*****d and i have had this feud for quite some years now, and until today he had the upper hand, now as you see his santacruise is destroyed and the reindeers injured, so i won at last.
Apolo- But the idiot took the hat and the coat, who changed to fit him, now Heat has deliver the gifts
Heat- Hey yeah, what about that Santa?
Santa- Oh is just for fun actually, i have another ride and spare reindeers at home but meanwhile i go and get them, He'll do that, if not we can call la migra!.
Heat- Ha ha... hear me laugh... this is stupid, stealing a cliche from an old movie but aight, aight i'll do it, so i nee two more people right? I want the penguin to be this new kid, Cral Cool.
Apolo & Tony- WHAT!
Heat- What?, oh come on, the guy is a freshmen, he needs to rub elbows with greatness and what is better than us?, besides all the teams need a sidekick!
Santa- Deal!.
*The strange fog appears again and Cral appears dressed as a penguin*
Cral- Uhh.. were am i... what's this outfit... and why i desire a fish?.
Heat- Easy vato, explanations later, let me finish here... and now my reindeer... hehehe... Santa!, give me Maxwell Conners!!!.
Apolo/Tony/Cral- Oh no....
*Conners shows up with the nose, horns and tail*
Conners- What the...
Heat- Hey grandpa, hows the retirement castle?, are they giving you enough sponge baths, do the nurses still ask you about how i beat the holy crap out of you.... ese!.
Conners- You!
*Conners runs after Heat, but Apolo and Antonio stop him*
Tony- We don't have time for this, we'll deal with him later, for now we have no choice but help him, explain to them Heat.
Heat- Roger Dodger!.
*And so, Heat got his Heatmas team, he explained to them all and everyone got ready to do it*
End of Chapter.
***
Chapter 2.- The H Team
*Up in the sky, Heat used his borrowed santa powers to make the Heatmobile a flying ride*
Everyone- To the wiiiiindowwwwww, to the waaaaaallls, to the....
Tony- Shut up everyone...the radar says we are close to the next house, are you ready Heat?
Heat- Of course i am Elfo Muerto...
Apolo- Good, here you go.
*Apolo tosses Heat from the Car*
Cral- Hey, werent we suposed to land this first?
Apolo- My bad...
*Down at a huge tree, all scratched and barely alive*
Heat- Grrr...they will pay... when i get back... anyway... i wonder who lives here.
*Heat goes down and using a hairpin he unlocks the door and enters, the place is quite a mess, a dreadful smell covers the entire house.*
Heat- god!, who lives..... Iron?.
*On the living room, a not suitable to mention here Iron is sleeping, next to him a horse sleeps too*
Heat- ghhhh..... this is the GoL house... damn!...
*The Icon heads to what seems to be the tree and finds a letter there, he reads*
"Dear Santa:
I've been a good boy this year, i havent done anything wrong lately so please grant me my wish and bring us the strenght to keep going, we were the faction of the year last year, and now we are nothing huge, we lost the tag titles, i can't win a match without asking for help to Iron or KC, thc fans boo me all the time and i hide my tears... so please if you can bring me... i don't know, a new and bigger pair of..."
Heat- Da- am!! well esos, ho ho ho, can't help, i the Icon don't give a damn, im the very damn best and still get boos so, forget it.. but let's see what can i left here.
*Heat peeks inside the sack and moves around a lot of stuff, after a while he gets out with a hen and a dried tune*
Heat- Okay... this will do... and a little note...
"Dear Gang of Losers:
Ho ho ho bitches, Heat here, Santa got some vacations and im doing his work, enjoy this Hen, im sure you know why im leaving it here... and the tuna is just for fun, but i gotta say the fish gives more fight than all of you, anyways, hope you have a nice heatmas, see ya"
*Heat leaves the note and climbs to the roof, there the Heatmobile is waiting*
Tony- How it go?
Heat- As smooth as silk!.
Conners- Very good, where next.
Apolo- Hmm.. Durem Privates, Oak Park 444
Conners- Oh no...
Cral- What?.
Conners- That's Dars...
Heat/Tony- Sweeeeeeeeeet!.
Tony- Hoop in bitches, i drive, next stop The Barbie Mansion, hahaha..
*5 minutes later*
Heat- Okay im going down
Tony- And im coming with ya, all santas needs a trusthworthy elf
Heat- Alrighty, Cral vato park the ride over there... and do not AND THE HEAT MEANS DO NOT!... ever press that red button mkay?... god lad, let's go elfo muerto.
*Heat and Tony sneak inside, both are amazed*
Heat- Whoa... all this place is...
Tony- So damn clean... so neat, i believe he was a mommy boy....
Heat- He still is, check that out...
*Heat points at a huge picture in the middle of the ring, a woman is there and down a small legend that say -World's Best Mom-*
Tony- Creeeeeepy...
Heat-What?, you the *gonk* dead man walking creeped?.
Tony- Dude there are limits... but forget that, there is the letter.
*Tony grabs the letter and reads*
"Hello Santa:
Hi, how you doing red man, glad to know you are coming again, listen i left you cookies and milk on the table..."
Tony- Milk and cookies?... where?
Heat- Munch... munch.. glomp....ahhmm.... dunno vato, didn't saw a thing...
Tony- .... ooookay... cough... cheapbastard... cough... i'll resume
"... on the table, are you eating properly?, remember to keep your cholesterol low and eat vegetables.
Now, to the wishing part wich i hate, but since is tradition i can't say no, so i was wondering... could you please give me my HWC back?, please?, pretty please?... i already asked Bri but he says that since that bad man called Antony defeated me, fans don't suport me as they used too, and that makes me sooooooooo mad i mean, why, i was a very decent champ, and now my title is on the hands of that vile Yuri... bummer.
Oh and let me tell you, Bri and i went last weekend to Chicago and we had so much fun, we ..."
Heat- Okay stop, i almost cry on the Bad Man thing.... and almost puke on the...nevermind... jesus... talk about skeletons in the closet.
Tony- Hahahaha.
Heat- Heh, so, what do we left for the Undefeatable Dars?.
Tony- A 16 inches tall -Anthony "Terrorizing" Voorhees- action figure with the WHWC Set!.
Heat- A-W-E-S-O-M-E!... oh and a Darkfyre figure too... he needs someone to beat up right?
Tony- Presisely... oh and 2 all included passes to the Love Boat!.
Heat- Jesus elfo muerto, you're sick, hahaha.
*Heat looks inside the bag and grabs the gifts, then leaves them under the tree, Tony grabs a pen and writes back*
"Dars:
You... Rested... In... PEACEEEEEEEEEE!."
Tony- Let's go Santo!.
Heat- Heh, aight.
*Heat and Tony head outside, Cral is sitting on the street waiting for them*
Heat- Hey rookie, what's the problem?, worrie not, i'll give you a present.
Cral- He, hey Heat.. is. it is nothing like that, is just... well i parked the car,and since we were thirsty Apolo and Max went for the drinks.. but a Towtruck appeared and... it took the Heatmobile down to the depot.
Heat- Oh... i see..
*Tony and Cral stare at Heat*
Tony- That's it?, no crazy mexican anger?.
Heat- See vato, some things are... to calm down... here penguin come here, feel no fear, i The Icon will solve this.
*Cral walks near Heat, the mexican pants him*
Cral-Thanks... man.
Heat- Oh don't mention it... but one thing ... i just lied!!!.
*Heat surprises Cral and kicks him on the guts, then Game Overs him*
Heat- Phew... i fell better now, come elfo muerto, let's get our ride back.
Tony- Hehehe, yeeeah, but what about him.
Heat- Umm.. here, i'll leave him 10 bucks, when he gets up he'll catch us up, now let's raid the depot.
End of Chapter.
***
Chapter 3- Santa Foundation vs Gaia Police Dept.
*At the Depot*
Heat- Phew... here we are... at last.
Tony- Man, that girl on the bus was hitting you, why you left?.
Heat- I did not, i gave her my bumber, but what about you, the twins at the subway wanted you as #3
Tony- I gave them my number too...
Heat- .... sad but true vato, we are pwned now... well, let's talk with the blue ones.
*Inside*
Heat- Hi ese, Marvel here, i heard my ride is here and i want it back.
Desk Cop- Sorry sir but the depot is closed, come back tomorrow.
Tony- We can't come back tomorrow!.... we cannot fail this quest.
Heat- Yeah ese, Santa said...
Desk Cop- Oooooh, Santa eh?, he.. hehe.. haaaaahahahahaha
Tony/Heat- ......
*Tony gets mad and grabs the cop by the neck, pulls it out of the room and chokeslam him on the floor*
Tony- No one laughs atThe Lasair
Heat- b***h... now the car!.
Cop 1- Hey... HEY, SOME PUNKS JUST ATTACKED MARCUS, EVERYONE GET HERE RIGHT NOW!.
Heat- Damn... busted!... down the stairs Tonio, ruuuuun!
*Heat and Tony run down to the parking lot*
Tony- What now!.
Heat-Time to slap the lips of those s.o.b ese!.
*20 Cops arrive, all ready to rumble, Heat and Anthony get quickly surrounded but then the Marvel smirks and Tony nods, the fight starts. A cop moves foward trying to catch the Icon but Heat delivers a clean and straight fist to the Cops face, the cop gets knock out in one shot*
Tony- Impressive.
Heat- Thanks ese, having train Box on my young ages pays back eh?
Tony- Indeed... but watch this...
*Anthony turns his eyes to the cops and this time 3 attack at the same time, Anthony is bigger than Heat so they want to make sure they'll have the advantage, but the Terrorizing one quickly dispatches one with a Big Boot, then grabs the other two by the neck, one in each hand and Chokeslam both against the cold concrete*
Heat- Woah... i like that... but enough entertaiment, time to rock vato!.
*Heat turns and dodges an attack, then strikes with the Knee at the cop and sends him back without air, Anthony is easily clotheslining them, one after another, a cop who wanted to surprise him gets above a patrol and jumps, Heat turns and sees him, then shouts Tony to get down as he runs, Tony does as told and Heat appears, the Icon jumps with a Dropkick and receives the flying cop with both feet on the face, the server of the law blacks out from impact and crash on the floor, Heat lands on his back and quickly stretches his arms to Tony, Athony gets up and grabs them, then pulls Heat up and spins around with him, Heat knocks down 8 more Cops by kicking them on the head as he spins on the air thanks to Tony, the remaining 8 Cops run away after watching such battle, Anthony cleans his hands and Heat adjust his Santa Powered Jacket.*
Heat- Piece of cake eh bro?, just imagine if we ever become a Tag?... forget the Unified s**t, with Hombre Muerto and the Aztec Warrior as Tag Champs everyone will want to face us.
Tony- Yeeeeeeeah.. heh, well... what now.
Heat- I guess we have to find the... oh.... Tony better get ready, because we are about to show what a great tag we are!.
*Anthony turns and this time, 60 Cops are there, Heat and Tony stand back to back*
Tony- You got enough Hot Sauce for all of them?
Heat- Sure sure... soon they will rest in peace!.
Cop 56- Hmm... The BTWF Icon and the Dead Man... hey guys better get a camera, when we beat them i want a picture of me pinning this morons, my kid will love it!
Heat- Hey ese i know you!.
Cop 56- You do?.
Heat- Yeah, i have seen you before.... but where.... oh yeah, i saw your picture on the night table, next to the bed... the one with the red frame right?
Cop 56- Ye-yeah... but how you know that? how you know my house?
Tony- Because he was giving the 1-2-3 count to your wife perharps?
Cop 56- WHAAAAT!
Heat- No no Tony, don't say that.... it was not the wife... it was the twins!
Cop 56- My... my girls?
Heat- Yeah, Fhana and Shana right?, dude i gotta say, what a team they are, they make an incredible tag team!... and their technique!... sweet mother of...
Cop 56- SILEEEEENCE!! BEAT THEM BOYS!
Tony- You made him mad...
Heat- Hey is not my fault, i was there doing the yard as god says we mexicans should do when they hit on me...
Tony- Damn... twins ?... DAMN!
Heat- I'll give you the details later ese, let's deal with them first!.
*This time all the cops attack at the same time, Heat and Tony get ready when the lights go out, all is in darkness and a metal sound is the only thing that can be heard, after a few moments the lights return, all the Cops are down on the floor senseless*
Heat- Woah... i never knew we could do that vato.
Tony- Yeah, we are good eh?.
Conners- Ha, you both wish!.
Heat- Maxiboy!.
Conners- Hmph, im glad our plan worked eh Polo?.
Apolo- Yeah, told you!.
Heat/Tony- Plan?, what plan.
Conners- Well, when we lost the car your in law here suggested that waiting for you guys was the best idea, one shortfused and the other a huge brawler was the perfect mix for a decoy.
Apolo- Yeah you two are like fire and gasoline, so meanwhile you guys played with them we recovered the ride and set this cops.
Heat- Hmmm, im impressed... well then, let's go now.
Conners- Wait, where is Cral?.
Tony- Heat Game Over him.
Heat- There are always loses on all the trips, you know the old movie cliche saying, the black dude dies first, in this case... the rookie.
Apolo- Oh well, let's go, im sure the next destination is already decided.
*They leave the depot and get on the car, Apolo drives as Conners checks the radar*
Conners- Okay next stop... Fairdrive, Aekea Hills 404... oh, this is Steves...
Heat/Tony- YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.
Apolo- ..... i believe you two spend much time together...
Heat- Silence... we are having fun here, now drive vato drive!.
End of Chapter.
***
Part 1/2
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:23 am
Part 2/2
***
Chapter 4- Mirror Mirror
*Up in the sky*
Heat- Raiders on the storm... tun tun tun tun tun...
Apolo- Okay here we are, im landing it... sweet and smooth... easy...
*Crash, Bang, Bomb, Skhhsss, Crack, Splonk*
Apolo- Sorry about that, everyone okay?.
Heat- My baby... my poor car... ARE YOU INSANE!, Tony passed out!
Apolo- Shhh... i miscalculated the space, anyway go, and take Max with you.
Heat- Fine, as long as he doesn't quit half the way.
Conners- Have you ever heard the old phrase, two go only one returns?.
Heat- .....
*Both get inside using the window*
Heat- Ok, here we are... a little dark and... wait Max, look over there.
*Heat points ahead, there seem to be 2 people there*
Conners- Oh shoot, there is already someone here... what do you think, someone is trying to steal Steves house?
Heat- I don't know... hmm.. i gotta say the dude with the red jacket has really some good taste and... wait a minute, turn the lights on!.
Conners- What?, no way, what if Steve wakes up?.
Heat- He is not home, he went downtown, he won a raffle and got a free psp.
Conners- I see.... wait a minute, how you know that?
Heat- I called him earlier, fake my voice and told him... he is still probably waiting outside a store that sells Sushi for his psp.
Conners- You really like to burn people eh?
Heat- Naa,didn't had a thing to do earlier so... anyway, lights on!
*Maxwell turns the lights on and everything is clear now, the entire place is so weird, there is no wall that is covered with a huge mirror*
Heat- Great Kukamonga!... mirrors, mirrors and more mirrors!... they are everywhere, walls, roof, damn even the dinning table has one,.... what the..
Conners- Narcisist!.
Heat- And you tought i was selfcentered?, dude i only think on me, myself and i... but this moron thinks on himself on 9 different ways!... and another 3 more that he invented...
Conners- I don't see it that bad... some modern buildings are also made of mirrors
Heat- Big buildings, but an apartment?... jeez i bet he kisses them everyday... yuck... hmm...
Conners- What?
*Heat goes to the bathroom*
Heat- Max come here a minute...
*Max walks to where Heat is, the mexican has a huge smile on the face, Max sees nothing wrong, the toilet seems normal*
Conners- What?, what's wrong?.
Heat- Oh, hehe.. nothing so far.. hahaha... but check this out!.
*Heat opens the courtains and inside the shower are more mirrors, but there are two types, Heat has a huge grin*
Heat- Hahaha... check this out Max... the mirrors above are blue crystal tainted ones, those mirrors are quite expensive and their unique color hides the inperfections of the skin, also they created some lights effects when hit by direct sunlight.
Conner- Whoa, and how you know that
Heat- Don't you remember when we shot that movie together?, to make the effect of the fog and the shadow inside your Ancient Temple they used a few of these!
Conners- Oh... hmm, i bet Steve wants to be a Superstar like us eh?
Heat- Yeah poor loser... oh and check this ones, the ones below, hmmm... this are size swifters... and look at this... my pants look like Bozo!
Conners- Yeah, funny, check my shoes, biiiiiiig...
Heat- Ese... is no suposed to be fun... and i think you dont get it yet... why he has some size switching mirrors... below the waist line?, on the shower?, when he enters na....
Conners- Whaaaaaaaaaa..... gagh Heat, jesus!.
Heat- Indeed... i bet he tries to cover some... small problem, hahahaha!.
Conners- Hahahaha... jeez, now we know why he has the ego problems...brrrr.
Heat- Oh well, let's find the letter and leave.
*Both leave the bathroom but doesn't find anything*
Heat- Oh well, i'll just leave these DVD's and that will do.
Conners- Hey let me see that.. hmm, Robots?, Stuart Little?, The 40 years old virgin?... urrmmm , Heat i don't think Steve will like these...
Heat- IT DOESNT MATTER.... if he likes them or not... besides those 3 movies have a message.
Conners- Message?... and wich message
Heat- Well, first we got Robots right, ever saw it? do you remember what Bigwell used to say?, "You can shine no matter what you're made of"... but on Stevy case.. he can "shine" no matter what... hahaha... equipement you got, hahaha
Conners- Hahahahaha... what about Stuart Little?
Heat- Oh that's easy... -small hero big adventures!-
Conners- Mwahahahaha... gee.. heh... and The 40 Year old Virgin?
Heat- Oh that's easy vato, very simple... is more of a future look to Stevy future.
Conners- Hehehehe... well let's hope he gets them.. let's go now.
Heat- Roger Dodger!.
End of Chapter.
***
Chapter 5- The Vatoship
*Heat and Conners leave the Metrosexual Palace and go to the car*
Heat- We are back, what's new?
Apolo- Nothing, Tony is ok but sleeping, Cral called, he'll meet us at the next house!.
Conners- And where is that?.
Apolo- Barton Reveir 313
Heat- Oh...
Apolo- Where's that?.
Heat- Heh... Jin's place!, drive ese driiiive!.
*Apolo drives, but not without first going to McDonalds, they arrive 18 minutes later*
Heat-Okay... who wants to come this time?.
Apolo- Sluuuurp*, i'll pass... eating... never bother a bear when he eats.
Heat- Max?
Conners- Munch, munch...
Heat- Hmmm... oh look, the rookie is here, how you feeling?
Cral- My head aches but besides that im fine.. oh cool food, im starving.
Heat- Figures... okay i'll be back later esos.
*Heat leaves the car and goes inside the home, he uses a hairpin to get inside*
Heat- Hmm.. he changed the place, last time i came here those things weren't here.. hmm where is the letter...
*Heat is looking around, unaware that 2 shadows move behind him, in a quick movement the shadows attack him, putting a sack above him and a rope*
Jin- We got it! Kal we got it!... grr told you we'll catch him.
Kal- Yeah... now make sure he ... wait the rope is not secure!
*Heat rolls away and takes the sack away, he turns the lights on*
Jin/Kal- Heat?
Heat- Ouch... who smack me ... who did it!
Jin- Heat... what are you doing here?... you ruined our flawless santa trap plan!
Heat- Gah... no i didn't... you did it well...
Kal- Uh... hey hommie, why you're using that stupid red jacket and the silly hat?
Heat- Because i am Santa!
Jin- Yeah right... come on ese, what's the deal with the outfit, you're going to a custome party and come to invite us?
Heat- No ese... and im not liying, at least not for the moment, im Santa, i had a Santa Plan too... and worked, but the fat b*****d made me deliver some gifts...
Jin/Kal- ....
Heat- Whatever... what do you guys want?, since you two are from the vatoship i'll give you anything you want, just ask.
Kal- .....
Jin- .....
Heat- .....
Jin- Alright... Kal i think he drank a few on his way here, let's make him come back to his senses... Vatos Way!
Kal- Yeeeeeeeeah.
Heat- No wait.. i have to deliver... no wait.. vatos.. noooo.....
*Jin and Kal begin to struggle with Heat, the Icon defends himself and uses the sack to fend them away, the fight can be seen from outside, but only shadows*
Cral- Hey, heeey... i think he is in trouble?.
Apolo- Uh?... naaah,chomp... probably they are playing Dance Dance Revolution... much much.. chomp..
Cral- If you say so...
*Inside Heat can't fend them away, he swings the sack and hits both, they are sent back and some PS2 games fall to the floor*
Jin- Ouch.. what you got there? bricks?... uhh... wait Kal... let me see those... OMG... KH2 and FF-XII?... how you got these!!.
Heat- Told you im santa!... the sack can give anyone whatever they want.
Kal- s**t home, i believe you now dawg, so can we get our presents?
Heat- Yeah... Jin keep those games, and Kal... ask away.
Kal- Hmm, haven't really decided...
Heat- Well, i don't have time so here, i'll leave this pinkbox, when you decide what you want say it to it and you'll get it aight!.
Kal- What if i want a Concorde? or a Jaguar?.
Heat- The keys will be inside, or the ownership papers!.
Kal- Alright, thanks ese.
Heat- Hey!, we are the 3 compadres right... anyway gotta go... uh... where is Jin?
*At the tv room, the sound of the ps2 starting up is heard*
Heat- Hmmm... well im going now, take care!
*Heat exchanges with his pal the secret handshake then leaves*
Apolo- Good you're here, we already got the next destination.
Heat- Where?.
Conners- Golden Rod Drive, BB Mansion.
Heat- Blades!.
Conners- Yeah.
Cral- Blades?, how are we gonn enter there?, those mansions are highly protected.
Tony- You're with us, just watch and see, right esos?.
Heat- Yep, drive Polo drive!
*The Heatmobile takes off*
End of Chapter
***
Chapter 6- The 3 Spirits
Cral- How are we gonna enter?, im sure i've seen armed guards and electrified fences, also spotlights searching the sky.
Tony- Cuz... we are gonna use stealth mode!.
Cral- Can we do that.
Heat- Of course, this is THE Heatmobile.
*Apolo activates the stealth mode and after a while, they land on the mansions roof*
Heat- Ok, who wants to come with me this time?
Santa- Tsssk, tsssk, Heat do you copy.. Heat... roger!.
Heat- Uh... Santa?, yeah we do... sup!.
Santa- Oh just checking how you doing, the new ride is ready so i'll continue the gifts, but i want you to make me another favor and then all be over, what do you say.
Heat- Sure, what do you want red man.
Santa- This house you are... i need you two show the 3 spirits to the man inside the house.
Heat- 3 what?
Conners- The 3 Xmas Spirits, past, present and Future.
Heat- Oh... ok, and how we do that?.
Santa- Check your sack and from there take out a hourglass, break it and the sand will do the magic.
Heat- Roger dodger!.
Santa- When you guys get done, i'll meet you all at the penthouse of your hotel.
Everyone- Got it.
Santa- Santa out.
Heat- Bye ho ho ho... ok, so, let's see... okay here is the sand clock... hmmm there are some instructions here... let's see... choose 3 vatos to represent the spirits, then cover them with a little sand... break the hourglass and get down to it.
Heat- Ok... who wants to do it?
Apolo- Sign me in, i'll be the past, since im the one that is already retired.
Conners- I want to be the present, i mean i made you say i quit, what's more in than that!
Heat- Grrrr.. kay... that leaves the future... Cral!, you'll do it!.
Cral- M-m-me?... no, no Heat, why not Voorhees.
Tony- Forget it, my head is still groogy, i think im gon...zzzzzzz
Heat- Alright we are set... now eat sand bitches!.
*Heat toss sand to them then drops the hourglass, a strange smoke appears and Apolo, Conners and Cral dissappears*
Heat- Damn... that s**t is good son!... okie dokie, here i go.
*Finally, a house with fire place, Heat slides inside*
Heat- Cough.. cough.. how the red guy manages to do that.. cough..
*Heat makes a lot of noise, shaking to take the ashes away and choking, Blade hears him and walks to the studio*
Blade- Who's there!
Heat- Cough.. me.. Icon.. cough..
Blade- Heat?.
Heat- No batman in your grandmas clothes!.. of course its me... how ya doing boss.
Blade- I was fine until you appeared, what do you want, i was busy you know.
Heat- Hmm... im here to show you something, ready?.
Blade- Show me what?.
Heat- Some spirits thing, dunno really, but according to this you have to be half sleep half awake.
Blade- But im not sleepy, and i wont be in a while, im busy making this Final Chapter the best thing, besides i just got 3 cups of coffe.
Heat- That can be fixed.
*Heat kicks Blade on the guts and Game Overs him, then all starts*
-Wosh wosh wosh-
*Blade reacts and gets up, he rubbs his forehead and shows anger*
Blade- Uhh.. grrr.. HEAT DO THAT AGAIN AND I... i.. where am i. this is... im at the office.. but how.... mmm what's that noise?.
*Blade opens the curtains, and is amazed to see the the entire arena at his max, there are even fans sitting on the stairs, on the ring Big Daddy faces Omega.*
Blade- What the... how can this be possible?..
Apolo- This is the past, when the fed was on his peek, when the cards were always sold outs and when all was ok.
Blade- Apolo?.. what are you doing here?.. oh this is so weird... but i guess those coffes were quite strong... so you say this is the past eh?.
Apolo- Yes.
Blade- Heat mentioned something about the spirits... oh well, so what's suposed to happen here?.
Apolo- Beats me, i guess there is a message but i really don't care.
Blade- Figures, you're as charming as usual, eh?.
Apolo- My job was to beat people, not to make friends.
Blade- Very true.. well, i guess since i don't see the point of watching what is already gone i guess we can move on right?.
Apolo- Yeah... well, good to see you again... and i apologize.
Blade- Apologize for what?.
*Apolo doesn't answer, he just delivers an Endless, Blade blacks out, but gets back after a while*
Blade- Gaaah... damn it... who tough about that... ouch...
Conners- Receiving a finisher everytime you travel?.
Blade- Max?... yeah... ouch... so you're present i assume.
Conners- Yes i am, take a look at the window.
*Blade peeks and sees nothing, the place is empty*
Blade- So... quiet... so cold... so lonely.
Conners- Yes... the fed changed a lot, when and why?, we don't know, but you can actually feel it on past days the arena had a powerful aura, now has nothing.
Blade- Hmmm...
Conners- I think the message is... that is up to you, to keep this lonely or to make it roar as good ol times... of course you wont be alone, you know you got a lot of people behind you.
Blade- Thanks Max, i know...hey what about if ....
*Blade turned to see Max, but the HBK Superkick him before he could finish his sentence, Blade fades again*
Blade- Gaaaagh.... hhuuh... who's this time.
Cral- Hi Blade, it's me Cral.
Blade- Oh hi Cral... so future eh?.
Cral- Yeah, 10 years in the future to be precise, come...
*Cral takes Blade and they appear on a huge stadium, top class technology, inside people is filling it, and a match is on his way, for the Grand Championship, Jay Max vs Tito Antarez vs the defending champ... Cral Cool*
Blade- You?... you will be the Grand Champ?.
Cral- Of course, after the BTWF closed, many others fed rised, some did good but others failed miserably, only the GPWA was the only one that succeded.
Blade- GPWA?
Cral- Grand Prix Wrestling Alliance!, i was hired there, trained a lot and finally became the Grand Champ, currently i've been undefeated for 4 months.
Blade- Who's the owner.
Cral- Yuri Yurievich!.
Blade- .........
Cral- Well let's move on, time to go to washington.
Blade- ok....
*Both instantly travel, they appear in front of the White House.*
Blade- hehehe, i kinda like this... you mean i left the wrestling business and became a politician?...aweeeeesome, i became The Mr President?
Cral- eh... no, but let's get inside.
*They appear inside the oval room, the President is there, talking by phone, on his huge and cozy chair, but he is giving his back to them, so they cannot see him*
President- Yeah, yeah.. ok im cool with that, but listen vato, i don't wanna sit next to the Chinese Prez next World Gathering, see the guy spits like a god dam camel, why don't you sit me next to the sweet french babe, yeah Pietra!.. aight... ok, deal.
Blade- No, no, no, no,no, noooo.
*The president turns and is no other than The Icon, the Magic One, the Raza Warrior now know as El Presidente!*
Blade- But... but.. but...HOW!!!, there a laws that forbids things like this to happen!.
Cral- See, after the fed closed, Heat keep wrestling on other feds then also joined GPWA, we were Tag Champs back there, and of course he got the support of the people back, and this time more than ever, he became so popular when he wont the Shattered Match versus King Damian, after that he retired because of an injury but people want him, so on a talk show he joked about saying his next goal was to win the elections, next day the senate moved, polls ocurred and 3 months later he became the candidate... won by a squashing 95% of the votes.
Blade- Oh boy...may the lord saves us all...
Cral- oh is not that bad, is actually a decent president.
Heat- Miss Jackson.. how many times do i have to tell you, there is nothing, AND THE PRESIDENT MEANS NOTHING! that will make me change my mind, i wont say it again!. Now ...
Mrs Neville- Mr President, the ME at Gates of Hell just ended, Cral retained!
Heat- Great, send him a card, i'll talk to him letter, now connect me with the Pentagon, those Australians are bothering me.
Mrs. Neville- Aye sir!
Cral- Oh... well, i won, hehehe.
Blade- Godness, finish this please, hit me already and lets get over with this.
Cral- Naah, i wont hit you, i'll just wake you up, laters!.
*Blade wakes up but no one is there, he's on his bed.*
Blade- Jesus... no more red bulls after hours... but why my head hurst... and my chin... and my back.. ooouch...
*Outside, the Heatmobile takes off, they arrive at the HSH*
End of Chapter
***
Epilogue
Heat- This is it, we did it, we saved Xmas!
Apolo- If you haven't shot santa in the first time none of this would happen.
Tony- Speak for yourself, i had fun.
Conners- Me too.
Cral- Ditto
Heat- Ho ho ho b***h... now where is santa.
Santa- Im here... come jacket and hat, come sack, this journey has ended.
*The magical outfit leaves Heat, everyone returns to normal*
Santa- Good job everyone, i have already left presents in your homes, you can go now.
Heat-Well esos , thanks and don't forget, the hotel will hold a New Years Party, you are all my vip's guests!.
Cral- Even me?.
Heat- Course you too, you're member of the vatoship now, see ya dudes.
Tony- Peace bro, if you attack the easter bunny next year call me and i'll join ya, bye dudes.
Conners- Yeah, or at leats let us know, but anyways i had fun see ya.
Cral- See you on new years.
Heat- Wow... and i tough they'll be mad with me... ho ho ho.
Conners- Oh Heat one last thing...
Heat- Yes vato?.
Apolo/Conners/Cral/Tony- WE LIED!!!
*Everyone attacks Heat and beat him down, after an Arrow, Heartbreaker and a Tombstone Piledriver they leave him alone*
Tony- Much better, see ya on New years.
Conners- Adieu Heat.
Cral- Bye Vato.
Apolo- Come on i help you... my sister is down right?
Heat- Probably.... at the pool... or kitchen... ouch...
Apolo- Right, see you later.
*Everyone leaves, Heat gets up and cleans the dust, Santa is watching him*
Heat- I... i guess i learned the lesson right?... oh well, im sorry for what i did vato, i guess i was wrong, sorry
Santa- Ho ho ho, from the moment you said yes, you changed, but it took you a while to understand it, now you finally do and im glad.
Heat- Really?,well thanks vato, see you next year then.
Santa- Quite right, but wait, here is your present, you earned it.
Heat- Whoa, thanks red guy.
*Heat gets a tiny box, he opens it and a bright light comes from inside, then a childs laugh is heard*
Heat- ..... um ese, what was that?.
Santa- Probably the best thing you'll ever get, now im off, bye bye Heat.
Heat- Bye vato.
*Santa takes off and Heat heads down*
Heat- Hmmm, i wonder if the Mrs would like to change dippers in about.. 9 months, hehe... no wait, what im saying.. jeez...
*Heat arrives at the lobby, a lot of people is there, kids see The Icon come out from the elevator and run to him*
Kid 1- Mom, mom!, it's him, please let me get a picture with you.
Heat- Errh, sure thing little vato
Kid 2- Me too, me too!.
Heat- Everyone get together, groupal photo with the Icon.
*The kids take the picture, then leave all happy, Ari was there, she smiles at him*
Heat- Hey mama what was that?, i tough they...
Ari- A man in red came a while ago, after that everyone appeared, like good times, we have no rooms left.
Heat- Oh... .OH... awesome... well, guess i'll have to entertain the raza then, is your brother still around?
Ari- Went to the ring.
Heat- Alright, LMS Take 2, tell the raza, we are doing this!... Thanks Santa
Ari- Go, i'll handle it.
*Heat walks to the ring all excited, the kids follow him, everyone gathers to see a cool match.*
The End!.
---
---
---
*On Blades Mansion, Blade picks up the phone and calls Psicosis*
Psicosis- What do you want.
Blade- A small favor, i want you to Blacklist Heat and Yuri, they can't enter to GWA, and call any other feds, tell them that.
Psicosis-Okay... whatever
Blade- Yes... yes.. mwahahahahaha.
***
Hot Sauce Inc. 2005. TM
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:09 am
Comments? Post them here, the final promo of the Heat needs them.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:57 am
best promo sence your last one...
i love the black listing comment, grand champion coment,
i was also wondering do you know my finisher? cus you never used it...
presadente was great you would beat Bush hands down.. I liked anything to do with me.... just a great promo.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 1:11 pm
Remind me NEVER to read these things while I'm at work, again.
Laughing down the phone uncontrollably is not good for the customers.
Kudos Heat. Kudos.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 4:41 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 6:10 pm
oh my goddesses. that was some funny stuff. you've got real tallent man. seriously. i think your portrail of Voorhees. was brill. and if he reads this it was nice knowing you. even for just a few days. (he knows me personally. and he will kill me.)
anyway. can't wait for the easter edition.
big up homees.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 6:37 pm
You forgot one TINY thing, vato.
*Spears Heat into the ground after Maxwell's Superkick*
There ya go, now it's awesome. 3nodding xd
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 7:31 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 7:57 pm
The Darkness Makuta You forgot one TINY thing, vato. *Spears Heat into the ground after Maxwell's Superkick* There ya go, now it's awesome. 3nodding xd
Still thnaks dude who's frien of tony and Tony itself, if they fire you im sorry, but well, what can i do.
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Reply
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