Welcome to Gaia! ::

Doors Nightclub

Back to Guilds

The guild associated with the Doors Nightclub B/C shop. 

Tags: Modern, Fantasy, Role Playing, breedables, shop 

Reply New Character Profiles [OOC]
[Human?] Hannah Smith [U/C, name pending]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit


sheepcakes


Cosmic Bauble

43,000 Points
  • Pieversity 200
  • Blob's To You 100
  • Team Bunny 250
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:28 pm


[[This character is a huge WiP, and I'm still deciding if I wanna get Human stage first or Touched.]]

ESSENTIALS
  • Legal Birth Name: Hannah Smith
  • Legal Changed Name:
  • Nickname:
  • Age and Birth Date: 21, July 29
  • Occupation:


APPEARANCE
In this description you should include, somewhere: height, build/body type, coloration, best feature, worst feature, something that marks him/her as distinctive, and general style of clothing, hair and makeup.

Height:
Build:
Weight:
Eyes:
Hair:

PERSONALITY
It's important to include things like: likes and dislikes, hopes and fears, dreams, how he/she interacts in everyday situations, how he/she deals with stress, and at least one situation in which he/she feels at home.

ABILITIES
You should cover your characters strengths and weaknesses in physical situations, mental situations, social situations, as well as at least one thing at which he/she is better than most people and one thing at which he/she is worse.

HOBBIES
This does not have to be a long answer. Please just list some of your characters' hobbies, what he or she does in free time. This is useful for finding connections or starting threads with other characters.

HISTORY
We do not need a full history of your character [though you can provide one if you'd like!] We understand that these things are flexible, that players like to keep secrets, and hope that you'll have fun. However, please provide at least three [3] important events in your character's past, and three [3] important people in their life, either past or present.

The Change

TOUCHED APPEARANCE
This section should explain how magic has changed your character's appearance, and the change should be something that is difficult if not impossible to hide. Being Touched should change your character's life, and have a major impact on how he/she lives.

If you want the moderators to decide this for you, please state so clearly in this section.


MAGIC
Most characters start out as humans; however, time spent at Doors can change them, give them magic. In this area, you write up what you'd like your character to be like magically -- from the smallest power like telepathy to healing or flying. Keep in mind, however, that if your character is vastly overpowered, the mods will put a cap on him/her to keep everything in balanced, and this magical ability will be drastically toned down. All powers MUST be approved by the moderators.

If you want the moderators to decide this for you, please state so clearly in this section.


SAMPLE
This section is only for characters who have fulfilled the RP requirements for their character and are now ready for evolution, or newly-changed humans. This should be a writing 'sample' of at least 250 words that talks about how your character goes through the physical and magical changes of becoming Touched. Does it hurt? Do they break things? What do they do when they see themselves in the mirror?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:29 pm


[OOC] Notes to me

3/3/10: I'll be reworking this to be more connected. Removed nonsensical British slang and replaced with something closer to what Zar would say.
I must get over interweb cussing. Especially when I cuss like a sailor irl.

Brenn, for easy access.


sheepcakes


Cosmic Bauble

43,000 Points
  • Pieversity 200
  • Blob's To You 100
  • Team Bunny 250

and be blue
Captain

Ruthless Nerd

20,650 Points
  • Nerd 50
  • Normal Everyday Human 50
  • Beta Gaian 0
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:50 am


The first thing I'd note, in this app, is that you abuse commas horribly. XD I want to go in and take out half your commas! They're not a problem for approval, but they make it extremely difficult to read through your app. It's constantly being broken up, and all the commas are really jarring.

"Sure, she's skinny, but the musculature stretching under her skin, proves she does eat." could be "Sure she's skinny, but the musculature stretching under her skin proves that she does eat."

It'd just make it easier on us to read it. (:

I'd say the biggest problem with the character herself is that you have nothing in her personality that makes her 'unlikable'. Everyone has personality quirks that annoy people -- things that are inexcusable. All of Zaria's faults are based in her bubbling niceness, and it'd be nice if there were some sign of some real fault in there. One thing might be that she secretly thinks herself better than everyone else, which you've already sort of illustrated in her 'she refuses to rise to bait', but you have to balance this out with something like being rude to people who are 'lesser' or something along this line.

Other things I might note:

  • Her name. What's the sense behind it? Where does it come from? Who names their kid that?

  • Her tattoos. I don't think they make much sense at all, from what you've said, nor do her piercings. Perhaps if you explained what they meant to her, where they came from, why she got them. Same with her hair. People do these things for a reason -- trust me, as someone with fire engine red hair and 10 piercings, I know! (;

  • You say over and over that she's fit. Why on earth is she fit? It doesn't sound like she has a particularly active lifestyle, outside of swimming, so it'd make more sense if she was skinny because of a fast metabolism, but perhaps a bit 'soft' underneath it. She has no reason to be good at fighting, just at running. Swimming is all cardio.

  • Her history, I'm assuming, isn't done. So I won't comment too much. ^^ It's just really short and incomplete now, so I look forward to more! What you have doesn't tell us much about her life.

  • Touched -- I think you have to come up with a reason for her becoming what she is. This could tie into where her tattoos come from, when you explain this. Maybe instead of being obsessed with stars, which seems to have come out of nowhere, she could be obsessed with eastern mythology? Maybe she could even have some of that 'japanophile' thing going on, liking anime and manga. It'd make more sense...

  • Touched -- Why does she use British slang in her sample? It doesn't say anywhere that she's British, so it's a bit confusing. Unless you're British, in which case, I can teach you some American slang. XD

  • Touched -- last but not least, my god she takes the change nonchalantly. How would you react in this situation? Would you go, oh, hey, nice, maybe I can shape shift!! Or would you go HOLY ******** I SEEM TO HAVE SOME WEIRD RASH OH GOD LET ME CALL A DOCTOR! She could react this easily, perhaps, if she were already living fantasies in which this sort of thing happens, but -- you'd have to explain that earlier in the app. It could tie into being an anime geek, if you take that suggestion.


Overall, I'd say, she just doesn't quite fit together yet. You've got a lot of pieces, but you haven't created the strings that tie them together.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:05 pm



Thank you, I knew she had a load of problems. I think she'll be getting a lot of areas completely rewritten. I'd tried turning my dragon OC human just to have her turned dragon-ish. Which was probably not the smartest idea.

I'll be working on it over the next however long to fill in gaps and or replace things. And get rid of all the comma abuse.

As for her name, it's based on the name of a girl I took care of. Her mom spelled it Zoriyah but it's pronounced Zaria. I wanted the pronunciation with out the weird spelling. Also her parents are the type to name kids weird things to to keep from adding another common name to the world.

And as for her change, she's supposed to take it well. Zar's the type of human who would wish for mutations and or powers. Being just a normal run of the mill human is boring. Which will be seen better when I'm done.


User Image


sheepcakes


Cosmic Bauble

43,000 Points
  • Pieversity 200
  • Blob's To You 100
  • Team Bunny 250


sheepcakes


Cosmic Bauble

43,000 Points
  • Pieversity 200
  • Blob's To You 100
  • Team Bunny 250
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:51 pm


Because I need to start over and don't wanna lose this.
Mage-Summoner
[[I have it marked [Human?] because right now I'm debating on getting her at human stage, or to just keep tossing her at Touched contests until I get her.
Thanks to Blue's help, I'll be adding/subtracting and or rewriting sections of this. Extra critique is always welcome, though. Especially in how to avoid comma abuse. XD]]

ESSENTIALS
  • Name: Zaria Flavia
  • Nickname: Zar, Ria
  • Age and Birth Date: 19, July 26
  • Occupation: Waitress at The Copper Dragon, a cafe


APPEARANCE
Zar is tall, at 5 feet and 11 inches, with a very slim build, leaving most people to think she's anorexic. That's not the case, however, a fact you can see if you actually look at her. Sure, she's skinny, but the musculature stretching under her skin, proves she does eat. Exercise, genetics and a fast metabolism, being the culprits to her looks. As for the rest of her, she has a small backside, B cup breasts, and long legs and arms.

Zar is light skinned, being the generic peach of most Caucasians. She's got green eyes, that are more round then almond, and look sorta big on her face, and "Children of the Corn" blond hair. Her hair comes almost to her butt, and is quite often dyed pink, sometimes with green tips, or even stripes.

As for the rest of her, she has a three tattoos, three piercings in her left ear, her right ear has seven, and a lip piercing. Her tattoos, consist of a patch of green scales across her shoulders, down her spine where they fade out just before reaching her butt. In the front, the scales continue down her chest, partially covering each breast in her cleavage area, and down her belly where they fade out just after passing her belly button. Her other two tattoos are very much smaller, both looking much like leafless vines, curly-cues replacing each leaf, running from her left wrist to stop just above her elbow. The last starts at her right ankle, ending just below the knee, and matches the one on her arm.

In Zar's opinion, her best feature is her breasts. She is very much a breast woman, and prefers small to large. However, most others agree it's her eyes, which can pin you down in the perfect imitation of most mothers when she knows your hiding something.

Her worst feature, both in her opinion and many others as well, is her nose. Zar was a tomboy as a kid, even still is sometimes, and has broken her nose about five times over the years. Leaving it crooked, and always looking like it's slightly swollen.

Between tattoos, height and nose, it's hard to pick just one thing that sets her out. Most, though, notice the height first. Unless she's dressed for swimming, then it's the tattoos that get the attention.

Normally, Zar wears capris, a halter top or short t-shirt, and either sandals or tennis. This wardrobe does change for cold weather, being jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt with a sweater over it. Makeup is applied very sparingly, consisting of foundation, lip gloss, mascara and minimal eye shadow.

PERSONALITY
Zar is very upbeat and bubbly. Always running into a situation with out considering the consequences. Especially when fun times are to be had. She is, however, affected by the weather. Rainy and cloudy days always put more of a damper on her then they seem to on others. The opposite of that, is really warm days have her bubbling and bouncing more then ever. Even when everyone else is struggling just to stay comfortable.

Zar loves lakes and ponds, and even swimming pools in a pinch. She just really loves to swim. And looking up at the stars. She always wonders if there are other populated worlds out there. Sure that in such a huge universe there must be at least one. Other things she likes are lizards, mythical beasts and mythology. Forests, woods and any park large enough to pretend to be a forest. Large dogs, in fact she's got a golden retriever/chocolate lab mix.

The ocean terrifies her, it's too open, and populated with much worse things then any lake could ever hold. She will go to the beach, but won't get with in ten feet of the tide line. Other fears and dislikes include; spaghetti and other long pastas, or even stringy foods. Too much like eating worms. Doctors, she hates going. Always wanting to poke and prod her. Not to mention they never listen, always telling her she's not sick, even when the symptoms are so bad everyone else can tell she's sick. Cats, and goats, both scare her, though goats more, and she's got the scar on her butt to show why.

Zar has no idea what she wants to be, which is why she hasn't started more then the general ed classes in college. The thing she wants more then most anything, is to see the world. Not just the well known places like Egypt, Paris, Tokyo and so on. But as much of the world as is humanly possible to see.

Daily life has recently fallen into a routine. She gets up at 5am, goes through her morning ritual, which includes breakfast and getting dressed while watching the news. At 6am she heads off to work at a place called The Copper Dragon, a little cafe that serves coffee, tea and various foods. By 3pm Zar's on her way back home. Where she showers, has a snack, and watches a bit of T.V. Then, it's either heading off to school at 4pm, or on Tuesdays and Thursdays, studying. Saturday is all about fun, hanging out with friends, doing what she likes. Sunday is cleaning and laundry day.

Her three biggest stress reliefs are swimming, doing the "dog owner" thing and stargazing. Zar has a few favorite swimming holes scattered around, usually in government protected camping areas. She's got a mini library full of astronomy books. And, as part of her daily wind down, there's playing with Jack, her dog. Depending on the weather, she'll take him to a dog park. But, even when the weather means just a quick walk to relive himself, Zar still gets a bit of the calming effect.

She feels most at home when around a large group of people. Doing any of the things she likes, or even experiencing something new. Zar just likes to have fun and be around people. Even a group of complete strangers is preferred to just sitting around somewhere by herself.

ABILITIES
Physically Zar is stronger then most people think. Though, it's not a super human strength, it is still proportionate to her musculature. However, she does her best to avoid fights. Violence isn't her thing, and Zar feels that not rising to someone baiting her will irritate them more then winning the fight will make her feel good. For everything else, Zar is very active, always on the go. However, she is horrible at sports, everything, even competitive swimming. She's got no coordination. Which also means she can't dance to save her life, or even play video games well. So she's usually on the sidelines, cheering for both teams, when it's her friends playing. She's also rather klutzy, not in the always dropping things way, but in the always tripping or bumping into stuff way.

Zar's mental capacity is pretty average. She likes math, even though it is a huge struggle for her, which is why she likes it. She feels that challenging her mind will keep her sharp. She is good at observations, seeing and remembering things many people pass over. History, science and lots of other school related things are a huge struggle for her. She always gets dates mixed up, and even whole countries. Names are another struggle for her, one of the few day to day details she's always bumbling. It takes her forever to remember a person's name, and even then she's liable to call you someone else.

Socially, Zar is pretty much always ready to meet new people, even if she'll have to ask them their names over and over again. She's more comfortable with more people in a group, though, like you'd find at a packed bar or big house party. Small groups usually end with her getting sorta withdrawn, her mind wandering into it's self, or just listening to everyone else. Her klutzyness doesn't help much, especially when she's stepped on toes. However, Zar does try to laugh it off, even though it frustrates her.

Zar is at her best when focusing on the little details. No matter what project she's taken on, the little things will always be done spectacularly. The down side is, she gets so wrapped up in the small things, that Zar looses sight of the whole picture. Meaning if left alone on a project, the little things that make the whole may be gorgeous, but the whole looks like it was slapped together 3 hours before presentation. Which it quite often is.

HOBBIES
Zar likes to swim, make little craft things, usually oragami or cut and paste construction paper things.

HISTORY
Important Events:
-For most of her childhood, Zar and her family moved. A lot. Robert, Zar's father, was in the military, so just about every year they be packed up and moved to a new place.
-Just before Zar started 9th grade, she finally convinced her father to let her stay with his sister. She'd miss her sisters and parents terribly, but she wanted to experience high school at one school, not three like her older sister had. So, when the family moved on again, she stayed with her aunt. Letters and phone calls between her and her family were just about every day, back then.
-Getting her own place was a huge step for Zar. Even though she was excited to have a home where she set the rules, she was also a bit scared. Uncertain of herself, and uncomfortable for the first few weeks.

Important People:
-Monique Flavia & Yazminea Flavia, Zar's sisters. Monique is 2 years older, and Yazminea is 3 years younger. They were Zar's best friends growing up.
-Samantha Kallowey, Zar's best friend, they met in high school.
-Molly White, Zar's aunt. If not for her aunt Zar never would have been able to stay in one school from 9th to 12th grade.

The Change

TOUCHED APPEARANCE
Zar looks much the same as before the change. Except for a set of Eastern dragon style horns that sprouted just above her temples. And the patches of scales that popped out of her tattoo, the same color green as the ink, only in a metallic shine.

MAGIC
Air magic, not the ability to create air, but to influence it. Everything from causing minor drafts, to even being able to fly. Though, flying is hard work, meaning Zar only goes short distances, when she bothers to at all. Easiest, and most fun for Zar, is directing little winds around a room.

SAMPLE
Itchy. Itchy, itchy, itchy! Her back, shoulders, stomach, breasts and head. All itching with that deep under the skin, only a hot bath and good scrub will sooth it, itch. A bath and scrub that Zar has gone through twice in the past day. And still that damnable itch is there.

Wondering if she'd gotten fleas, again, Zar looks into the mirror to do her hair. Pulling it back into a pony tail, she notices a discolored knot near her temple. Where it itches. What the hell? When'd I bump my head? she thinks. Trying to puzzle it out, Zar turns her face, and about falls over when she sees a matching knot near her other temple. <******** hell, what'd I get into last night?!" this time spoken aloud to her mirror self.

Wrapping a towel around herself, she heads into her room, where she grabs a back scratcher and starts scrubbing it over her back. Zar's mind is still rooted to the lumps on her head, unable to remember what she'd run into. Then again, she was always smacking her head into cupboards.

Finally deciding to shrug it off as her klutzy nature, Zar pulls the back scratcher from behind her. Only after she sets it on her nightstand, do her eyes see what's on it. Skin. Her skin. Stuck to the 'fingers'. Biting her lip to keep from screaming, Zar picks it up, examining it. Sure enough, it's yours, the analytical bit of her mind supplies. The rest of her mind is scrambling, wondering how the hell she'd ripped an inch long, half inch wide chunk of skin off and not felt it. While at the same time trying to decide if she should go hysterical or just pass out.

Latching on to the sense of detachment her analytical self is offering, Zar just barely manages to stay calm. Getting up she walks to her mirror, turning around to see her back. Dotted all along her tattoo are bits of skin, like a sunburn peeling, and there, at her shoulder, is a patch of shiny green scales.

From analytical, to fascination, to glee, as Zar prods the bits of peeling flesh and finds she does indeed have scales now. This is too great! she thinks, having always envied this in reptiles. She spends the rest of the night peeling away dead skin to reveal the scales underneath. Finally, after 1am, Zar passes out, having gotten all the skin off.

Zar spends the next few days in bed, her head feeling like it's about to shatter. She alternates between Tylenol PM and Benadryl, thinking it's another sinus cold. This pretty much keeps her knocked out, and feeling really out of it when she is awake. So it's not until the third day after she'd started to shed that Zar wakes up with out any pain.

Going into the bathroom, and switching the light on full blast for the first time in days, Zar turns to the mirror, and screams. <******** hell! Where the ******** did these come from!" she yells at the mirror, staring at the set of horns now protruding from her head. And the green lumps the horns themselves sprouted from.

Leaning in, Zar takes a closer look at the horns, a string of giddy, bordering on hysterical, giggles erupting from her mouth. Turning her head this way and that, she studies them. "I've seen horns like these before.." and no sooner has she said it, then Zar remembers where. "How the hell did I turn into an Eastern dragon?" followed by. "Wonder if the transformation will be completed, eventually." Zar giggles again. "Now that would be cool. An anthro dragon, or a shape shifter. Hmm, or both"
Reply
New Character Profiles [OOC]

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum
//
//

// //

Have an account? Login Now!

//
//