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 Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 10:27 pm
I already keep a private journal on LiveJournal, but it's pretty damn depressing since it's mostly me writing my thoughts as I remember. Which generally is when I am feeling very suicidal and depressed. So I'll try to keep it less severe here.
I don't care if people comment on anything I have to say about my feelings or my day or whatever I write about. I'm a stickler for organization and unity so I'll probably go back and edit posts a lot.
Here's an introduction.
I'm Briana. I'm 19. I'll be 20 in October, on the 27th to be specific. As of right now I'm in the process of moving out of my parents' house and into my friend's apartment with her and my boyfriend. I'm very stressed out. I've been diagnosed as having bipolar II disorder and major anxiety problems, but I'm still confused with how the whole process works.
I live in Nebraska, and my wonderful boyfriend lives in Ohio. My disorder causes a lot of stress in our relationship, as does the distance. We've been together since November 15.
I've been taking medication for about three weeks as of now, and I haven't really been feeling the effects much.
It's time for me to take my medication so I'm going to go do that now, and fix this later. Sorry it's so tl;dr. I'll add fancy formatting later.
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:52 pm
Yesterday I had the perfect chance to tell my friend about my bipolar disorder. I had brought over my packed boxes and one of them had a book about mental illnesses in it. She said she had been reading it and was reading about bipolar disorder since she was diagnosed with it when she was younger, and she said she didn't agree with the diagnosis.
I could have mentioned that I was diagnosed with it and then I would have told -someone- IRL, but I chickened out and didn't. I feel pretty dumb.
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 10:00 am
I felt above it all yesterday, and then I just crashed. I kept crying and I didn't know why. I fell asleep and woke up to my boyfriend calling. I was crying still, and I don't know why.
There was also a little drool on my pillow, which is something that's been frequent since I've been taking my medication. It grosses me out, and for whatever reason I told my boyfriend who just found it humorous. Which I appreciate since right after I said it I was worried he'd be grossed out.
I don't know what else to say. I just feel lost.
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Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:59 am
I keep saying I'll do stuff but I never do because I lack the energy. And honestly, I don't care much any more.
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Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 5:05 pm
Feeling awful and crying lots. I was a horrible, horrible person this morning to my boyfriend and I wish I could apologize but I won't get to talk to him. Still.
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Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:59 am
I'm so in love. But all my happiness from that is kind of being ruined at the moment by my immense fear of going to the doctor.
I have to go to work too and I stress out every time because I'm afraid I'll be too early or late and that it will end up being cancelled and I'll look stupid.
guhhh
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