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RP Stalkers and TOS.
Identifying When you Have a Problem with a Stalker instead of a Friend
I feel it's time to write this, because I've had great experience with having online RP stalkers and it's a horrible and uncommon thing especially for young writers on this site who haven't had it happen before.

I'm going to share what I know and then what I know about Gaia TOS and how moderators can help this situation.

I will say right now, I am not a moderator or staff member. I applied to be a mod, but I'm not one. I am an anthropologist studying at San Jose State University, so I am not a real psychologist either, but I have knowledge of social sciences.

The land of Gaia RP guilds and private groups is a land of fun but drama.
Sometimes, just sometimes you will end up meeting a genuine stalker.

I don't know why, but for some reason RP attracts and engulfs people who are addicted. I don't mean addicted like you normally would use it, I mean it fully.

I've met these people and had them stalk me before, yes they are addicted to YOUR attention. It's almost like bad sex, they just want it and only you can give them their fulfilling high of attention.

It's very hard to deal with such a person, because they start off as great friends, but become fixated easily. It will probably be someone the same gender as yourself. They will copy you and adjust their lives and habits around you.

The ways they might copy you will include things like:

logging in/out habits
avatars
rp characters
their taste in Gaia items
their taste in music/ TV shows.
typing habits

Ok, so normal people do some of those things anyway right? Because it's a natural thing to mirror people when you get along or you admire them....
Or lets face it, when you guys are hanging out doing stuff together, you're all going to be talking/acting similarly at some point right?

Well, usually that kind of copying is unintentional, and it's minor. It's simply because you learn things from your friends over time, and all this human psychological group stuff I'm not going to detail.

You can tell when it's not just normal human bonding when the person goes out of their way to guilt trip you for:

Changing your own habits
not being around when they want you to (especially if it's got to do with logging in when they're used to you doing it.)
favoring someone else who is pretty independent in personality.

Another way to tell is when the copying becomes blatant, secretive and into the realm of plagiarism. They will take your writing ideas and style and they often try to pump more of it from you in whatever ways they can to make up their own little stalker mind world with you and them in it.

Now what qualifies as a stalker instead of an overly clingy friend? Here's some ways to tell, now this isn't 100% for every person. Trust me, if you have a stalker you'll be able to tell but here's some things they'll do anyway:

They follow you around in threads awkwardly
visit your profile like every day
talk about your RP characters a whole lot and are very quiet about talking about anything else.
Remind you to reply to rp posts or something almost everytime they see you, and sometimes it'll be their greeting.
Ask you about yourself non stop or what your avatar has on
Act paranoid about things you haven't told them
pick fights with people who "share" you.
Say stuff saying it's from you to other people you both know.

One way to tell when your stalker is not just a kid or younger person using you for a role model and trying to fit it in is when they are in complete denial and snap when you approach them about it.

If you approach them and get any of this and a drama storm, you should be cautious about further interaction with the person.

Denial can be:

pretending it never happened,
Changing evidence or record,
Giving you a speech saying things like "think about it from MY point of view, you're not seeing MY side!!"
Overly quick apologizing, then doing it again more secretively to work around what you've caught,
blaming someone else you were favoring with attention,
and blaming YOU for being "unfair,"or other terms that can be described as guilt tripping by someone who believes they're only doing you a service.


If they give you a long melodramatic speech that sounds like they had planned it long in advance, then it's likely you're dealing with not just a normal stalker but an unstable individual.

That kind of speech can be compared to dramatic monologues in stories. If you've been rping with this person, you can tell immediately from the way it's worded. If you get one of these from somebody, be afraid.
If you get one of these monologues, you'll be able to tell, and if you do the person is beyond your help. The best you can do is tell them to go see a rl psychiatrist or school counselor and then protect yourself.
If this person knows you in rl too, get the hell away from them it has potential to be dangerous.

I'm not saying that's a fool proof way to tell, but either way you might want to consider ignore listing the person or at least telling them to go away.

You might notice that this sounds like a "romantic" stalker. It's not that different from one, except instead of physical lust it's focused more so on the fantasy aspect. It's still an unhealthy situation to have when you're online.

If you know someone like this who is troubling you, it's your judgment on what to do but I do want to say that you have to remember that it's very likely your stalker does not see you as a human being.
You probably pity and want to help the person, afterall they're totally your fan, but (ok this won't be the case for every stalker but it's something you should know) realize you are probably just the ultimate RPG video game to them. Should you ignore list them, chances are they will fixate on something else instead of you and get their rp addiction somewhere else when you no longer dish out the attention.

NOW FOR THE TOS PART AND WHAT GAIA CAN DO.

TOS is the doc you ALL SIGNED when you JOINED GAIA. You should read it if you haven't.

The very first thing it states as a condition for JOINING GAIA is:




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Which means if a user breaks that in a severe enough way, well they're up for BANNING.

There are certain things mods consider before banning an account, not just any ol threatenin' will do, but if anyone should do that to you you should either ignore list them as appropriate or report them to an online moderator.
You can report pms, profiles, and posts.

If someone is doing this in a GUILD:

1) The guild owners AGREED to enforce TOS in their guild when they made or bought it. They are obligated to get it under control, period.
2) You could always report the guild to a moderator and then specify exactly what issue you're having, the mods DO investigate and are human, so you don't have to worry about screwing over your friends.
3) you can always pm a moderator to ask for advice. I know ignore list doesn't solve everything. Global moderators are best for this case or normal site mods You can find their lists in any public forum on Gaia. It's the green text above the forum.

If the stalker is coming back on mules AFTER you've ignored them, get a mod ASAP. That's automatically a bannable offense for them.

And here's some more of TOS that your rp stalkers violate!!!




Quote:




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YES your RP characters DO count as copyrighted material if someone were to copy them and you had proof for it. If that person posted your material (especially if it's word for word) in public forums behind your back,that's bannable. If it's in guilds, once again the guild crew is obligated to deal with it accordingly.

Also, do not be discouraged about reporting this to a mod just because the person deletes the stolen material, MODS CAN SEE DELETED STUFF!!icon_cool.gif

and guess what, some MORE OF TOS stalkers violate!!!




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Ending Notes

So basically, if you have a stalker. You don't have to put up with it, and you should know you are supported by Gaia. Gaia will help you take care of it, and you can approach a moderator if you need help.

I can say from experience, when you finally get rid of your stalker and look back... it's a lot easier to see how much trouble it was causing you and you've finally broken the power the stalker had over your actions on Gaia. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to use Gaia just because of someone like that, and it's overly stressful for you and unhealthy.

You don't have to put up with it and you've got options for help.

If you have any questions about this, or want some advice from me feel free to pm me.

I based that info off a total of three stalkers I had in the past. Two were actually on Gaia, I took the traits and patterns that each of them.
If it does sound like somebody you know though, be careful @_@

Interesting, and yet it reminds me if nobody in particular