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SerasuAlucard Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 7:45 pm
Sanity is like virginity
Once you lose it
You don't get it back.
I may look sane
I may look insane
I can't tell which.
It hurts to lose the bodies virginity
But it also hurts to become insane
Be careful of who your friends are
For the wrong ones will
Steal your sanity
I wasn't careful of who I dated
And yes I lost the little bit of sanity
I had left.
Comments :3
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 8:17 pm
This one I really like for some reason xD For the critique, I think you should get rid of the very last line. It seems like a stray to the rest of the poem and throws the flow off. I also think people are going to make that connection without that line. The line just doesn't seem to be doing any good for the poem which is why I think you should take it out.
Now to the fun part. I think you should bold some of the words to add emphasis and to add some discord to go with the insane element of the poem. Some of the words/phrases I'd personally would bold would be "lose it", "look", "become", "careful", "steal", "who" (in the fourth stanza), and "lost". You could also change the font on a few words if you didn't want to bold all of them
I'd love to see it with some bold words in there so if you do listen to my suggestion could you send it to me? If not, it's fine. Either way, this poem actually inspired me to write something
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