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 Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 2:55 pm
The petal's story
I am a petal radiant with color.
I am bright like the sun.
For I am a petal, I do attract.
Upon me I am gazed for my vibrant beauty.
One cannot ignore my blissful appearance.
Also, many enjoy my warm presence.
But I cannot take credit for my brilliant splendor.
The wind’s attempt fails for now.
For I am strongly attached like a dog to his bone.
I will not part until the time has come.
The bee briefly rests upon me and is on her way.
The spider takes refuge beneath me to shelter from the rain.
Soon I begin to droop as a human with age.
I detach and float to the ground only to whither away.
comments
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 3:18 pm
A very nice visual poem, but that's about it. I can't say I loved it, but it really is a good poem. Only problem is you need a comma after "Also"
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:03 pm
Very nice. Your poem is more then good, it's great!
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:03 pm
i have to agree with original_zate on this one
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SerasuAlucard Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 9:51 pm
thats perfectly fine ^^ cause i was trying to describe the life of a flower petal ^^ as long the reader can see it ^^ i did my job ^^
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