Welcome to Gaia! ::

Guide: Diedrich
Ship: Kestrel
Loot: 400
Food: 400
Ammo: 200

I don't want to run out of food again. I was trying so hard. I first ran out of ammo, then food, then health, with all this "medical supplies etc" stuff that we shoulda used to stay alive. So now I'm packed up on the Food and ammo.

I'm only writing down the events that have choices.


You found people littering. What do you do?
Tell them of the environmental blahblah
Kill them
Nothing.
You gain 25 loot.

"Did you know that due to a series of successful real estate transactions, I have become independently wealthy? Well, the beauty of the forest has inspired me to contribute to this journey. OK, bye!"
You gain 25 loot.

Ol' Respectable
This venerable sequoia has withstood thousands of years of floods, forest fires and assassination attempts by radical anti-tree militants. What would you like to do?
Cut it down for some reason.
Take only pictures, leave only footprints
Your luck increases slightly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray!
I knew this would happen from last time, and because I had Diedrich, I was going to see what happens when I cut it down, but I'd like to win a game first.

"Did you know rabbit's feet are considered lucky? Well, the same is true of grunny's feet. Except they're really, really super unlucky, and I have four of them. Bye bye now! Bye!"
Your luck decreases slightly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!

A ghost appears to you in the night and offers to show you how you die. Do you accept its offer?
Yes, you can face your fate.
No.
You gain 10 ammo.

"Bet you guys didn't know you can harvest sap from trees and it's pretty good to eat with a little vinegar and cinnamon! Okay, bye bye! See you guys later. Bye."
You gain 25 lbs of food

An ogre flags you down to arm wrestle. Will you do it?
Yes
No
I said yes once before and a member lost his arm, so I say no now.
You lose 6 hours of travel.

Fort Larroquette
Within the safe walls of Fort Larroquette, a man approaches offering a trade: "Hey pal, wanna barter for some ammo? I found it in my grandmother's attic."
Trade 25 loot for 10 ammo.
Continue on the trail.

"Did you know that all of your bad actions are accounted for and punished by the inscrutable consciousness of the universe? I thought I should tell you about it because I just ate a family of adorable bluebirds. Well, see you later!"
Your luck decreases significantly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!
You come across a wrecked airship partially covered with undergrowth. Do you go in for a closer look?
With some trepidation.
* Yes.
* No.
Dave's health decreases significantly.

Denise hears a howl in the distance.
* Denise always was a scaredy-cat; it was probably just the wind.
* Better gain some altitude- don't want to get caught by werewolves.
* Fear is a great motivator- descend below the treeline.
Your ship's speed increases slighty.

You think Derrick's a zombie.
Smother him in his sleep.
Forget about him and let him live.
* Derrick dies.
* You gain 50 lbs of food.
Last time I did this, he was a cannibal instead and I had to kill him anyway. Food's a better choice.

"Did you know that you can lubricate the ship's moving parts by pouring sand in them? It works! Oh me, I swear that it works. And, also, bye!"
Your ship's speed increases slighty.

A stranger offers you some candy. Do you take it?
* Yeah, I love candy.
* No, it could be a trick.
You gain 50 lbs of food
With the other choice, he just said aww shucks.

You notice a vine growing rapidly up your ship's mast.
* Chop it down.
* See what happens.
When I chopped it down, it broke into flames wasting time.

"Did you know that more sand we put in the ship, the faster it will go? Get to work, everybody! Oh, and goodbye."
You lose 3 hours of travel.

You come across a wrecked airship partially covered with undergrowth. Do you go in for a closer look?
* Ohhhhh yeah.
* Yes.
* No.
You lose 10 ammo.
Ohhhh yeah let me find a stack of dirty books and waste time.

Burning Bush
This bush blazes with strange religious significance. It seems to be trying to talk to you.
* Talk to the bush.
* Continue on the trail.
Last time, I tried to talk but Smokey came and put him out.

Air pirates attack! Do you fight them off or give in to their demands?
* Fight!
* Surrender.
* You lose 50 lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
* You lose 10 ammo.
* You lose 3 hours of travel.
I totally forgot! Fighting makes THEM wooses and we gain something.

Obscene Cactus
Out of embarrassment, you try not to look directly at this cactus. Just as you're about to sneak a glance, a strange man approaches: "Hey, wanna buy some jerk chicken? I've been jerkin' it all day."
* Trade 25 loot for 50 food.
* Continue on the trail.
I currently have 289 and 400 loot... I dunno. I'm takin' it.

"Did you know that I used to be employed as a slot machine at Gold Mountain? I got fired for embezzlement. OK, bye bye!"
You gain 25 loot.

"Did you know that I was once diagnosed as a hoarder? It is my secret shame. I have been hoarding bullets for several years, but perhaps you can take them away so I have more room to order useless items from television. Bye!"
* You gain 5 ammo.

There's a fire on deck! What do you do?
* Eh, someone else will get it.
* Throw meat on it.
* Urinate on it.
Nothing. I don't wanna lose meat, and I don't wanna wait for someone else... Maybe someone else found out what happened.

HMS Boruff's Bounty
You find the captain's log: "Day 4: Forgot to bring a crew. Forced to abandon ship and brave the perilous 40-yard swim back to shore."
* Go explore the shipwreck.
* Continue on the trail.
Last time, nothing happened... I found crap.
Again, nothing.

"Did you know we accidentally ran over an old ethnic woman last night and she came up to Derp and whispered 'thinner' and now Derp keeps losing a bunch of weight and it's worse than it sounds? Uh oh! So I guess I'd better go, so see you later!"
* Derp's health decreases significantly.

You see someone littering. What do you do?
* Kick them in the shin.
* Tickle them.
* Throw them into a man-eating plant.
Derp's health decreases slightly.

Cloud Shaped Like a Butt
You come across a cloud which looks an awful lot like a butt.
* Spend hours giggling at the cloud.
* Continue on the trail.
* Your luck increases slightly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray!
* You lose 6 hours of travel.

"Did you know that Denise sometimes sleepwalks down to the hold and throws fistfuls of loot off the side of the ship? Ha ha, wow, what a thing to do, right? Yeah, so I'll see you later!"
You lose 25 loot.

You find the legendary bullet fruit, the only fruit made of edible bullets. Do you harvest the meat for food or ammo?
* Bullets.
* Food.
You gain 10 ammo. I have more than 350 of food.

Shady Guy Selling Bootlegged DVDs
An unscrupulous huckster approaches. "Hey, got any food? I been standing out here for eight months."
* Trade 25 food for 50 loot.
* Continue on the trail.
Last time, I was low on food (32). This time I'll chance it.

Denise gets kicked in the head by a horse, severely damaging their brain area.
* Where the hell did a horse come from?
* That sucks.
Nothing happens. Sweet!

"Did you know that soaking ammunition in saltwater makes it much deadlier? It's not true, oh me, it's just not true, but I cannot help but to speak in facts. Forgive me. Well, bye!"
You lose 10 ammo.

HMS Boruff's Gambit
You find the captain's log: "Day 6: Forgot to bring toilet paper. Forced to abandon ship."
* Go explore the shipwreck.
* Continue on the trail.
Since nothing happened last time, I'll just keep going without wasting time.

A handsome boy minstrel wanders into camp. Would you like him to sing for you?
* Yes.
* No.
* You gain 50 loot.
* You lose 6 hours of travel.

The zombie thing again.
You smother Dave, which logically shouldn't have been possible if they were a zombie, since zombies must be decapitated to be killed. Whoops! You temporarily lose the support of your crew.
* Dave dies.
* You lose 12 hours of travel.

A band of pygmies, amazed by everything about you, asks if you'd like to be their ruler. Do you accept?
* Yes, power is fun.
* No thanks, you're fine with just being a captain.
Last time I said yes and lost health I think.


Volcano Picnic Area
Aside from the searing temperatures and the toxic ash spewing from all the nearby volcanoes, this looks like a lovely place to enjoy a family picnic.
* Stop for a picnic.
* Continue on the trail.
Well, last time nothing happened.

Huge Unexplained Pile of Corpses National Historic Site
As you admire one of the national park system's most magnificent natural treasures, a terrified man crawls from the pile: "Gods help me, I've only survived by playing dead. Hey, wanna buy some ammo?"
* Trade 25 loot for 10 ammo.
* Continue on the trail.
I'm too close to 100.

"Did you know your ammo supply is lower than it should be? I think it's because I secretly traded the bullets for some eel jerky at the last stop, but I'm not sure. Anyway, have a nice day! Bye!"
* You lose 5 ammo.

Denise brings out the karaoke machine.
* You're too shy to sing.
* You grab the mic.
I love karaoke!
You gain 25 lbs of food

A stranger offers you some candy. Do you take it?
* Yeah, I love candy.
* No, it could be a trick.
This time the candy turns Denise into a horse.
You lose travel time.

Denise suggests the crew stop for a bit and relax with a natural steam bath.
* Sure, what's the worst that could happen?
* Okay, as long as it's quick.
* We have more important things to take care of than opening our pores.
I think I just lost time, I keep not looking over there.

Volcano Suggestion Box
The volcanic park rangers have put up a suggestion box. The plaque reads, "Please let us know what we could do to make your volcanic national park experience more enjoyable and less incredibly deadly."
* Write a comment.
* Continue on the trail.
Well, last time it just burned up...

Two crewmembers call shotgun at the same time. How do you settle the dispute?
* Duel.
* Rock, paper, scissors.
* Russian roulette.
Last time I chose that, I think I got a speed boost cuz the crew respected me.
Your luck increases significantly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray!

"Did you know that the closer you are to hot lava, the slower time goes? We could probably take it real, real easy for an afternoon and just relax and get some reading done. Oh, and goodbye forever! Bye!"
You lose 6 hours time.

Natural Hotspring
This volcanic tourist attraction boasts relaxing mineral baths at a comfortable 850 degrees. A gregarious nude bathing man hollers at you: "Would you like to experience the healing properties of this natural spring? If you make me a hoagie, I'll get outta yer way."
* Trade 25 loot for 20 party health.
* Continue on the trail.
I saved out on this. We're both poorly healthy. I better get the same result.
Yeah, I gained significant health.

"Did you know-- achoo!-- "Did you know that when grunnies get a cold, it sometimes creates a tear in the fabric of time? Anyway, it's tomorrow now. Bye!"
You gain 3 hours travel.

I, however, do not like Oregon Trail.

I decided to go with carl once as well, and he killed us all before we even got to the first tree checkpoint thing.