Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dear Diary,

I just realized this prison has been my home for as long as I can remember. If you can even call it a home. A home to me is a nice little house with windows, colorful walls, green grass outside. Maybe a wife and some kids running through a sprinkler in the lawn. Nevermind, this prison isn't a home, not a real one anyway. Inside is cold and lifeless. Inside I don't have to worry about being mugged, raped or beaten, for I am the only one in here, but does that really matter? It seems for me to win is to lose. Stuck here in the safety of my prison, yet cursed to live a life of solitude. It's always lonely and I can never escape for I fear what people may think of me once I am out. I don't think I'm hideous, I just have fears of what certain people might think if I was exposed.

This prison is all I will ever know. Maybe one day I can escape and be with people. Maybe I can live beyond this prison.Maybe I can live with others just like me. People that will accept me and want to love me. This cage and my life, will always be together. I guess that means there is no happily ever after for me.

One more thing I forgot to mention. This prison isn't made of stone, or metal bars, or giant cell doors. This prison is made of flesh and bone. That's right. My prison, is my body. Then that means there is no escape. No real escape anyway, maybe if I can slip away quietly. Would anyone notice I was gone? Would anyone even care? I want to try and leave, anything is better than living in this hell.

Dear Diary,

I will miss you.


(I hope that doesn't break any rules. I didn't see anywhere saying it had to be a physical prison.)
Words in red are what I added or changed.

(Next time add the last sentence in parenthesis or italics or put it as the first sentence, because it was all really exciting and then suddenly " . . . crying ")


This is a fragment sentence that didn't pertain much to what was going on around it. Maybe if it wasn't so fragment like it would make more sense where it is written about.


Do you mean that you have fear of what certain people think or of specific people? And why would you have fear of specific people if you consider yourself hideous?

This prison is my set in stone future, but maybe I'll change that . . .
I was a little confused by that combination of sentences

This cage is also a fragment that I felt didn't add anything to the sentences around it. You could replace prison in the sentence before with cage if you want to keep cage in the sentence somewhere in there.


I was kind of confused about this sentence


I don't think you need a comma after prison.


This story sounded a bit personal in a sense and I like that quality to the story. Maybe if you put a date or a "Dear Diary" type of thing at the top, then it sounds like a journal entry and brings out more of that personal quality to it.
Great creativity and I hope you continue to show it in future prompts

Sometimes if you reread your work out loud you can catch a lot of mistakes that you made the first time around, but other times it takes a third party to notice the minor missing details.



I know this would make the sentence really long and I'm sure a professional would complain about it, but I would make this a double compound long sentence. Give us a reason to stay there. It is cold and lifeless and why would you want to stay there, because it is safe. So give us a little more insentive to stay in this place instead of searching for a way out of it.

Maybe trapped instead of stuck would help the flow of the words a little more and then later in the sentence maybe and instead of yet. Unless you are saying that you are unwillingly trapped within your prison. If you are unwillingly trapped keep the yet and emphasize that a little more. If you are trapped willingly I would change it to and.

I don't know if fear should be plural, but I think that it's not a big enough detail to flip out about.

I know this breaks the rules and someone I'm sure would yell and scream at me, but I would make the last two sentences of paragraph two a new paragraph and put a But at the beginning of it.
This kind of gives you a "happy" paragraph before completely dashing your hopes on the next paragraph.


I would make the maybe part a new sentence.

Before the would of the next sentence maybe put a little bit of a lead in like "If I did," This will lead into the question instead of just dumping the question out.

put an extra line in between the last real paragraph and the dear diary part to show a passage of time.

I liked the ending and I really like your improvements. Keep up the good work.