"I never knew how many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas..." Loyal mused as he sat on the edge of the plush, scratched up armchair with his chin squarely in his palms, his eyes fixated on the vintage television set before him. It was at the moment that a crash came from the other room, followed by a flurry of footsteps and the remote being taken from his side. Loyal frowned, as the television was turned off and looked up at the person responsible. "I was watching that."
"You are NOT watching pornography on my television. How did you even FIND that channel?" Ivan flushed, his face as red as a pomegranate. He held onto the remote for dear life, as his glasses began to slip down the bridge of his nose. Loyal just frowned some more before sighing and melting into the armchair, deflating like a sad birthday balloon.
"You're no fun."
"That didn't answer my ques-you know what? Never mind," Ivan shook his head, "I don't want to know." His free hand adjusted his glasses, pushing them back up his nose. "You're supposed to be helping sort through these RIGs." Ivan gestured to the room he came from. Loyal raised his head slightly, looking at the doorway to the room before shaking his head.
"Your cat kept licking off my make up."
"Then maybe you shouldn't use banana cream as foundation."

"Not the point. I kept forgetting where my thumb was and holding things without thumbs is difficult." Ivan sighed, defeated. He really didn't want to deal with this today. His apartment was a mess, cluttered with left over RIGs and CIs. Tired of having Bibbles get lost under the piles, he finally asked Stein for assistance. After all, if anything, Stein was known for his organization and efficiency. However, Stein told him that he had an appointment to keep but would come by afterward. In his stead, he sent two helpers to assist Ivan. Unfortunately, those helpers were Monsieur Loyal and Brennivin. Speaking of which...

"Brennivin, how is it going in there?" Ivan called out, slightly exasperated. The Icelandic man poked his head out from the door frame.
"Frábær~," He sung, before holding up homemade belt made entirely out of coughed-up yarn and Love Charm IIs. "Super sexy, ja? Stelpur flock like fly to marmalade!" Ivan could feel a vein pop. He was going to have an aneurysm by the end of the day, he just knew it! Loyal looked up from the chair.
"Those are Frederika's, right?" Ivan nodded.
"We had alot of hers and Mill's left over."
"Well, not everyone can attract the public like me," Loyal purred.
"Didn't all your dates wind up in the hospital?"
"My loving is rough sometimes." Ivan gagged while Brennivin, now wearing the belt and making a smaller version for Bibbles, walked into the room the two were in.
"Aaah. Silly sirkus man." He held up the cat belt for approval, "Like?"
"It's adorable."
"My cat is not wearing that. No. Don't give me that look. He's not wearing that. Making cat noises will not fix the situation."
Brennivin's lip trembled.
"Don't feel so bad, Brenni," Loyal said, "Rufus will be happy to wear it, I am sure!"
"Ja~ Dancy dancy köttur much love cloth~."
Ivan rubbed his temple once more.
"Can we just go back to organizing?"

---

An hour had past and the pile was actually larger than when they started. How was that even possible, Ivan wondered as he stood, staring at it in confusion. He looked about the room. In the midst of piles were Loyal, his torso and head underneath a small pile of Eternal Rivals scrolls like it was a fort, and Brennivin, who was outfitting Bibbles with a Guardian Totem collar, as the cat smacked about a Screen King ticket. That was when he knew why things hadn't progressed at all. He had the "help" of two utterly useless individuals. He could almost strangle Stein for sending these two. But he had a feeling it wouldn't do much. Did Stein need to breathe? He wasn't sure yet. At least it would make him feel better.

"You know..." Loyal's voice came slightly muffled, from under his scroll fort. Ivan was dreading whatever the ringmaster had to say. Nothing could ever came out of his mouth. "If we were pretty little ponies...you'd be Twilight Sparkle, Ivan."
"...What?" Was the only coherent response Ivan could muster. What nonsense was Loyal sputtering now?
"Yeah! Twilight Sparkle is so you." Loyal crawled out from under his fort, his words much more clearer now as he sat with his back against the wall, curling his legs up and resting his arm on his knee.
"And what exactly is a...Twilight Sparkle, dare I ask?"
"She's one of the main ponies, of course! Come on, don't you watch My Little Pony?"
"No. I'm not a five-year-old girl."
"Now now. Men can watch pretty little ponies talk about friendship and still be manly."
"Is True!" Brennivin chirped, finding himself distracted long enough for Bibbles to claw his fingers and escape his grasp. Yet, he didn't seem to notice much. "Sparkly hestur much man-like!"
"Having Brennivin as the spokesman doesn't help your case, Loyal."

"You're just being old fashion," Loyal waved him off, "Anyway. Like I was saying, if we were ponies, you'd so be Twilight Sparkle."
"Ja~ Tax man so serious."
"And you're really anxious too. And you don't like making friends."
"Gee, thanks," Ivan rolled his eyes as he picked Bibbles up, as the white cat rubbed up against his leg.
"But you're also pretty humble too. And you're smart and stuff. And don't worry, you'll become a nicer, friendlier pony just like Twilight Sparkle did."
"Uh huh..." Ivan rolled his eyes again as his attention drifted. It snapped back when he heard the crack of the front door opening. Instantly, he recognized the two voices that followed as Cordis and Stein.

"Look, if I knew my n****e rings were going to set off the metal detectors, I would have taken them out."
"That's not the point. Why would you wear them to court?"
"I didn't know you were taking me to the courthouse. I thought you said you were taking me someplace special."
"It was special. I finally got that restraining order against Reapersun."

"Oh thank god!" Ivan exclaimed as he rushed with Bibbles in hand to the front door. He arrived just in time to see Cordis tossing his coat onto the nearby rack while Stein shut the door behind them. Bibbles jumped from Ivan's hands at the sight of Cordis and ran to his legs, rubbing up against them.
"Hey, sweetie," Cordis addressed him in a gentle tone, as he reached down and scooped the cat up. Cradling Bibbles, Cordis walked over and sat down on an old loveseat, rocking Bibbles in his arms. Ivan frowned, feeling replaced in the small heart of his very own cat by a freak who wore make up for a living.
"I hope Loyal was...decent," Stein paused for a moment, before he joined Cordis on the loveseat. He watched as Ivan gave him the coldest glare and waited, choosing his next words carefully. "...What did he do?"
"Why did you leave me here alone with those two?!" Ivan shook slightly, "I've got more work to do now than when I started!"
"It was last minute, Ivan," Stein spoke seriously, "They were the best I could do."
"Old Pete and Diedrich would have been more help, I am sure."
"We could arrange that," Cordis chimed in, "We passed Old Pete chewing on Diedrich's left over fat on the way here." Ivan just stared at him. Clearly, all circus people were like this.

"Cordyyyyyy~" Before anyone else could react, Loyal had launched himself at Cordis but wounded up on Stein's lap instead, when Bibbles clawed him in the face, "Ow. That cat just doesn't like me."
"It's not you, Loyal. He just doesn't like ringmasters in general," Cordis said solemnly as he rubbed behind Bibbles' ear.
"Anywho," Loyal started before Stein shoved him out of his lap and onto the floor, "That was rude."
"I know."
"Anywho, like I was saying, we decided that Ivan is Twilight Sparkle."
"Ja~" Brennivin soon joined the men, "Tax man much like magic pony~"
"Uh...huh..." Both Stein and Cordis just looked at Ivan, clearly understanding his annoyance.

"You know," Loyal continued, still lying on the floor just as he fell, "If Ivan is Twilight Sparkle...Cordis, you're Fluttershy."
"I am, am I?"
"Yup."
"What's a Fluttershy, dare I ask?" Stein raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Cordis.
"She's a really cute, shy pony," Cordis answered. "...And yes, I watch My Little Pony. Don't judge me."
"I'm not judging you. ...Just re-evaluating our relationship."
"Fluttershy is really sweet too, just like you, Cordy-poo~" Loyal curled up against Cordis' leg, rubbing against it like a cat.
"Please stop," Cordis stressed.
"But you're so cute."
"I would really appreciate it if you'd stop rubbing against Cordis," Stein said sternly, met with a deep glare from Loyal.
"I would really appreciate it if you'd stop c**k blocking me."

"Funny doll man much like prissy pony, ja?" Brennivin interrupted the two, sitting down on a heap of old laundry and cat toys.
"You're right, Bren. Stein is like Rarity," Cordis chuckled lightly.
"I'm like who?"
"She's a unicorn pony," Cordis explained, "She's very elegant an-"
"She's sooo prissy and such a froo-froo filly," Loyal interrupted. Stein frowned at the idea he was a pony, particularly a "froo-froo" one.
"She's just very detailed-oriented. And don't forget, she's also very generous."
"...Wait, that's not Stein at all," Loyal frowned as it dawned on him.
"Are you saying I'm not generous?" Stein raised his voice slightly, as if issuing a challenge.
"Yes! Each time you have ice cream, you never share!" Loyal sounded like a child, "It's not fair!"
"That's because last time I did share, you tried to get my cat to lick it off your body!" Stein countered. Ivan and Cordis shuddered at the thought with Brennivin just giggled.

"Sirkus man so silly. Like pink hestur!"
"I am like Pinkie Pie, aren't I?"
"I don't even want to know what that one is like," Ivan grumbled.
"She's only the cutest one ever!" Loyal said in a tone that could potentially molest anyone within earshot.
"She's...special," Cordis tried to explain when Stein looked to him for an explanation.
"And Brenni! You're like Apple Bloom and Rainbow Dash's love child!"
"það er satt!"
"I don't even want to know," Stein held up a hand to keep Cordis from elaborating.
"Your knowledge of fictional characters from a show targeting five-year-old girls is disturbing," Ivan shook his head.
"You're just jealous that all the fillies love me."
"Right. I'm so je-...what is that smell?" Ivan paused as he inhaled deeply. It smelled oddly like burning rubber and cat litter. He walked from the main room into the back room and all anyone could hear was this.

"WHO PUT THE LITTER BOX IN THE MICROWAVE?!"
"Oh, Pinkie Pie..." Cordis snorted as Loyal grinned devilishly.

"Pinkie Pie indeed."