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Recently, I've been getting depressed enough to the point where I just lie under the covers for hours, watching TV. I won't say a word to my boyfriend when he comes in because I know that I'll start crying again the second I open my mouth. On days like this, I don't even want to eat. He basically has to beg me to eat.

I'm not suicidal. I believe that it's a cheater's way out. However, I don't know why my appetite goes like that. Once, after not eating for 27 hours, my boyfriend left a burger for me and made me promise to eat it. While eating it, I cried because I felt really selfish for eating it. I couldn't understand why.

Today, I feel that way again. I was at work for most of the day, so I couldn't go to the blankets, but I'm not hungry anymore. I held in my tears so no one else could ask questions, but I don't want to eat or even go home.

My eating gets better when my mood picks up. I'm not afraid of gaining weight or anything like that. There has been and will be a lot of stress and anxiety because of our living situation and the current changes that are being made. Being half crippled when not on steriods doesn't help either. I have Lupus, and I ended up using a cane for months before the steroids. I couldn't work, and now I'm not supposed to be overdoing it, but I can't help it. I don't mind eating only once a day usually. I know it's not good for a person, but if it eases my mind about my money issues for the coming months, so be it. I really don't think it's an eating disorder. At least I hope not...