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 Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:07 am
OMG that 4 hour premier was fantastic! blaugh I can't believe they actually did that. I'm impressed as hell. lol Takes a lot of guts for a show to blow a sizeable chunk out of american soil.
Can't wait for next week.
What'd everyone else think? I can't wait till Jack gets his s**t back together.
For your enjoyment. These just kill me. My favorites are in bold. rofl
1. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a f****** terrorist.
2. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
3. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
4. The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
5. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
6. There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.
7. They say you can't go a day without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.
8. Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
9. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
10. As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.
11. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12. After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
13. Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
14. Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.
15. Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.
16. Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.
17. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:08 am
18. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
19. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
20. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
21. There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
22. When Jack Bauer plays dodgeball, the ball dodges Jack Bauer.
23. When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.
24. Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
25. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's f****** beef.
26. MTV once tried to 'Punk' Kiefer Sutherland by staging a robery in a store. Sutherland smiled and pulled out his SIG and shot 3 actors in the head. This is why there was a new cast on Punk'd after season one.
27. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
28. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
29. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
30. It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
31. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
32. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
33. Michael Jackson once told Jack Bauer to "beat it," and Jack Bauer beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral.
34. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
35. Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop a**. All he found inside was a mirror.
36. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
37. American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.
38. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
39. Jack Bauer once arm wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
40. The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.
41. When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
42. Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
43. Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
44. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f****** dead."
45. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
46. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
47. In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
48. When playing "Truth or Dare," Jack Bauer dares you not to tell him the truth
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Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:52 am
wow, one of my friends has a list just like this, only it's for chuck norris....some of them are actually the same, the virgen islands one, it's not chicken it's beef, a few of the others....
maybe i can get the list......they're pretty funny, and i hate chuck norris....... 4laugh
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:58 pm
In case you didn't know: (Highlight for spoilers for next season)
Tony Almeida is coming back!!!
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