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 Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 4:50 pm
Well basically I was feeling pretty bad, so I decided to filter it through writing. It's nothing special, just a tiny story.
It was twelve twenty-two, June Thirteenth, and the sky shone clear as the water that you drink. It was lunch break and, it being Friday, we were on the lookout for the jumpers of the Golden Gate Bridge. We were all used to it, well except John Martin, but I’m leaving him out for the story’s purpose, I mean really, the irony of dieing on Friday the thirteenth, what teenager doesn’t blindly wish for it while in a fit of rage? We hadn’t seen anybody yet, but we knew that there would be at least one.
Then we saw her.
She looked beautiful, everybody agreed on that. She was in a crimson red dress that wasn’t too tight for her, and her raven black hair was braided back with crimson ribbons intertwining, holding her hair in place, and drifting down to her ankles. We were all confused at the time as to why she was all dressed up on an otherwise normal Friday.
She looked to be about fifteen, out on one of the last days of the high school’s school year when she could have been hanging out with her friends, the jewelry she had on made it look like she was rich enough to be leaving on a cruise as soon as she got home.
At first it just looked like she was walking to get to a friend’s party, then she suddenly stopped in the middle of the bridge. She just stopped in mid step. Slowly, she turned her head to the railing next to her. Her body followed and soon, she was on the edge of the bridge, standing perfectly still. Her right leg went over first; her face was fixed on the horizon, as if in a trance. Her left leg came after. She wrapped her arms around the hand rail for support as she finally seemed to become conscious and looked down to the water below.
Carefully, as if she was trying to convince herself, she let go of the railing. Balancing herself, she turned her face to the sky. After whispering some words, she turned back to the horizon without opening her eyes.
She jumped.
Everything after that seemed to go in slow motion. Her dress billowed around her as if underwater and the crimson ribbons, John decided that they were more of blood red ribbons, were trailing above her figure. Her ivory skin shone in the sun, framed by her black hair and crimson dress. She looked celestial, serene, and even peaceful. For those few seconds that she fell, the world seemed to be alright, we were calm, and we felt that live was worth living. Apparently it wasn’t for her. Her body, by then it was an empty shell because we knew that she had already left; hit the river with a sickening splash that sent water five feet into the air. We knew that she’d float down the river, looking like she was an angel, until she reached a port where the shipmen would carry her body to a coroner and find out who her unfortunate parents were.
We never eat outside on June thirteenth anymore, for fear that we will see another Gabriel. That’s what we called her. We never found out what her real name was, but Gabriel was good enough for us because to us, she was an angel.
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:29 am
Well, I love it.
I'm assuming the pov is from a guy, yes? You do an amazing job or making it that person's story, but it still centers around the girl. I also like the description of the girl. I like how you show that rich people can be suicidal, too, unless you meant that she, like, stole her mother's good jewelry. D;
And the angel thing--I really do like the angel thing. It's a nice, creepy metaphor for a depressed girl. Especially the fact that Gabriel was male. xD;;
But, since the group of guys didn't do anything when she jumped, I'm assuming they just were bored and were normal people? The way you started made them seem like a search and rescue team...
But, still. =3 pirate
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 7:10 pm
I really like it. I love the description of the character also.
I don't know what esle to say. heart
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:08 pm
Le Queen Well, I love it.
I'm assuming the pov is from a guy, yes? You do an amazing job or making it that person's story, but it still centers around the girl. I also like the description of the girl. I like how you show that rich people can be suicidal, too, unless you meant that she, like, stole her mother's good jewelry. D;
And the angel thing--I really do like the angel thing. It's a nice, creepy metaphor for a depressed girl. Especially the fact that Gabriel was male. xD;;
But, since the group of guys didn't do anything when she jumped, I'm assuming they just were bored and were normal people? The way you started made them seem like a search and rescue team...
But, still. =3 pirate
When I started writing this story, I sorta saw it set in one of those cramped business lunch rooms with the men, being used to seeing people jump, watching out for jumpers, but it never really came off like that. So i just let it be up to the reader's imagination.
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:09 pm
XBSJGX I really like it. I love the description of the character also.
I don't know what esle to say. heart
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 5:36 pm
That was great. I wish I had written it! -steals it- xD Just kidding.
But seriously, that was great! I loved it.
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![[~Even-in-Death~]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/89/44/198e50d3c4489_flip.png?t=1234716794_6.00_10)
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