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 Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 3:28 am
There was a flower
Who always loved the morning shower
This flower wasn't jealous, didn't complain, didn't groan
But, it was happy for what the sun gave and shown
By the forest she lies, by the trails
This flower saw some males
As this flower smiled by the males feet
This flower just loved to greet
But, day by day the sun never got hot
And this flower still did not complain, not even one thought
But one petal dropped
One petal fell to the ground and flopped
And the flower watched as it fully departed
All the petals it fully guarded
This flower always tried and tried
And then... The flower died
There was a flower
Who always loved the morning shower
This flower wasn't jealous, didn't complain, didn't groan
But, it was happy for what the sun gave and shown
-----------------
What do you think? confused
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Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 5:23 pm
It was prettiful... 3nodding I really enjoyed it!
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 7:17 pm
I cant really say...I loved it
It was depressing, but happy at the same time. Just like...Half of me was saddend, and the other half wanted to jump for joy. It was great, I liked it lots!
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 2:16 pm
whee whee whee SQUEE!
Thank you both! So much. mrgreen
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 12:13 pm
Poor little flower. ,_,
But, yes, I agree with how Fasie phrased it. It's sad, but still....Happy. XD Anyway, good job, interesting idea. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:44 pm
Wow, you maneged to depress me in like 10 seconds. Don't worry thats not an insult. I really, really liked it. It made me think about stuff thats pretty good, usually I don't care enough to post about about how good or bad someones work was. but that poem was...Inspiring (if a bit depressing).
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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 8:40 am
whee whee whee Thank you all~!!!
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Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 6:36 pm
Disclaimer: I'm new here, so if my constructive criticism regarding a writer's overall style isn't at all accurate, please excuse me, as I don't know anyone very well.
*ahem*
have you tried writing poetry without rhyme? I feel like you have a real talent for shaping syntax... making the words flow in a completely poetic way, molding and directing them to ultimately form a complete picture, something solid and understandable that your readers can touch for themselves and see the finished form and decide it's purpose.
I also feel like the need to rhyme is holding you back. At least, in this example. Like I said, I'm still learning everyone's styles!
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Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 7:02 pm
... Well, thanks.
But... I don't think I could do that, I mean, I write STORIES with description that is almost a fault, but...
I don't think I coul do that with poetry. I'm not positive how.
Thanks for posting.
... I might try that and see what everyone thinks - I have never been a too big a fan of it, though...
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Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 7:06 pm
heh. no problem! if you do decide to try it, let me know! I'd love to see how it comes out!
(and if you need any pointers or have questions about how poetry without rhyme works, I'd be happy to share some of my insight or examples!)
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