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 Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 9:07 am
I've been reading Schoolgirls by Peggy Orenstein (sp?) and I LOVE it! It articulates something I thought was just wrong with me for the longest time: many girls are raised to value niceness over honesty. By "raised," I mean they're . . . we're . . . scolded for being bluntly honest and unabashedly open about our opinions and we're encouraged to nice up what truths we must state. Then this pattern grows into just shunning open young women and giving attention (positive or negative, it doesn't make much of a difference) to young women who value making others pleased over themselves. With that exchange of attention, voila!, a great fear of appearing selfish or uncaring!
How many of you have experienced this or something like this? The two people to whom I've explained this book didn't have such experiences in their youth.
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 11:25 am
Interesting... I myself am a liar in general, some stuff from my childhood to blame blah blah... I'm telling you this because I have come to value honesty in a very special way, see I have NEVER lied to my sweetheart, ever!, since I met her and I cannot explain why I made this decision , probably fate, but I can say that my entire relationship with my one true love, best friend, soulmate and twinsoul is based on complete honesty.
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 12:50 pm
I totally understand what you mean! I've always been taught to be nice and that if being honest means saying something that could be negative to keep my mouth shut. It's total bs. There is nothing wrong with being honest and assertive.
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Posted: Wed May 30, 2007 9:32 pm
Yes, there was a book on this . . . Odd Girl Out I believe.
I believe I'm generally open with my opinions . . . when I actually talk. I'm very introverted in real life, that it scares a lot of people.
My actual problem lies in people expecting me to talk to them because I'm a girl. you know how girls are to be "social."
I can't stand starting a conversation when I have nothing to say. I also hate talking to people I have nothing to say to. Blah! xp
But when I do have something to say, it usually manages to escape my lips before me thinking about it. Then when I realize what I have said, I'm like, "Words! Come back!" lol
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:17 am
I'm know how you feel Luthien, I'm the same way. This reminds me of a really interesting course I took on Gender and Communication. Women are socialized to be outgoing and socially appeasing while men are assumed to be more distant.
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 4:12 pm
Odd Girl Out was a good book. smile I own it.
I get that general message from society. Women are considered bitchy or cold if they're bluntly honest. I can get that way a lot in my head, but I can never bring myself to actually say what I think because I know people will b***h at me for not being "nice".
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:27 am
I don't think women should be expected to be this way or that way, or men should be expected to be that or this, that's exactly what's been wrong with society for such a long time, generalisation.
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 11:42 pm
The thing with being honest, is that I hate it when it comes off as hurtful. So while it's nice to be assertive, being aggressive is not desired.
For example, I like it when others confront me about a problem that they hav, but if they're going to be an a*****e about it, I'd rather have them be passive.
I think . . .
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 2:44 am
Okay, another problem, being honest shouldn't mean you have to be rude as well, whatever the situation, you can still be nice while being honest.
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 11:55 am
I think this is another cultural example of what's wrong with us. I don't want to be nice at my own expense and I admire anyone who is honest before he/she is nice. Even then, white lies can be harmful. Most people would rather be told the truth to learn from their mistakes.
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:37 am
When I was a kid my parents always told me to be honest. Of course I had to be nice too but honesty was always one of the biggest things they've taught me. But this doesn't seem to be the thing in every family since some of my friends and the people I know are more "nice" than honest.
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