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 Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 11:12 am
We crashed into the sea
Which reached the shores of San Franciso
You looked down at me
I looked up to you
New York can't possibly make
Us into history
Buried in the sand we were hand in hand
You spilt your heart out about the truth, about me and you
I kissed you on the cheek
We then looked out to the sea
You had given me
Your heart and that meant for sure
That our love is pure
New York's not too far away
I'd run the thousands of miles to again see you smile
I will catch all your tears
I'll shield you from your fears
Wait for me, and one summer day
I'll be with you and there I'll stay.
-This was the poem that got me into this guild. It was supposed to be a song but I had a little writers block afterward.
Please rate; don't worry I can take critique
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Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:09 pm
it was good, but the rhyming seems a bit off, i do that too, its hard to find the right rhymes to fit with a poem, but its still good
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:30 am
Its a really nice poem, but for further experimenting you could try shorter lines for a more interesting rythm.
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:30 pm
the rhyming is a little off...
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 7:51 pm
it does sound more like a song instead of a poem.
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