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Reply Prose - Sentences And Paragraphs? That'll Go Here!
Segment of a story (written late at night take that in mind)

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crazystraightjacketgirl1

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 10:30 am


the title says it, a bit rough i suppose seeing as its what...2 am? 3 am? haha dont ask. anyways i know punctuation is going to be great so i bet your all looking foward to it. anyways give your thoughts and tips and everything. tell me if it is difficult to read because i will surely fix it
‘Tis gone.
Arise, black vengeance, from the hollow hell! All my fond love thus do I blow to heaven-Shakespear



My feet pounded down the hard cement as sweat beaded down my forehead. Ragged breaths raced out of me and into the dark night, it was in the middle of spring and rain poured down into the small farming town of Pens, Washington. I stopped and realized I had completely no idea of where I was. Neither did I know what I was doing, I had no shoes on, my jeans and shirt were torn; to top it all off I was drenched. To make things even worse I was surrounded by miles of cornfields. That was when memory decided to come rushing in. Pictures of events flashed threw, then the fact that I was being hunted by some unknown horror that lurks in the shadows. Guess what that horror wanted? Yea a small town 16 year old girl who else? Make sure to relay that to Tom Cruise and we will have to see who the big shot is.


I took a couple seconds to take a few breaths and look around; in the distance small lights of Pens flickered in and out of view.How far had I run? Everything was a blur I started to remember I was sitting alone at home having a completely normal day. Until something burst in threw the door and tore everything apart. I remember screaming and jumping out threw the backdoor while starting to run down the road as fast as I could. Not a smart move on my part, yet I accelerated and rocketed away. A feeling far larger then anything I could ever imagine while I hit high speeds as my hair whipped past my face. Everything else memory decided to wipe away and being so kind to leave me in confusion.


I then heard a rustle behind me and I quickly turned around to at least get a glimpse of what had been chasing me, after that I was getting of there and would run all the way to California if I had to.A tall dark figure soon emerged and stood before me; he looked to be over six feet tall and was covered with a cloak that brushed his feet. A hood concealed him leaving only his lower face and his black hair that drifted down. His face was completely flawless, pale skin radiated out from under his hood and he looked like he was just carved from Michelangelo himself. I had the strongest urge to trace along the perfect lines to see if he was just some trick that my mind wanted a good laugh at, although death always tends to get in the way if you know what I mean.

I kept trying to turn away but for some reason I was too transfixed to drop my gaze or even move, though every nerve and cell of my body was practically screaming for me to hightail it out of there.He then made a small smile and turned his head looking down the road. Once I saw his smile I started to hypervenalate, my heart almost stopped which really didn’t help my nerves at all. Why did I get so worked up on a stranger? Let alone one who was trying to kill me? You would have better luck answering that then I would to be honest. Yet his smile was perfect, teeth perfectly aligned and white as could be. The only thing that seemed a bit out of place was that he had fangs. I would only love to see his dentist react to that.

He looked back at me and placed his hands behind his back and took a step forward producing an even larger smile.I could see a bit under his cloak, he had a belt buckle of which in the middle was a circle that had fiery lines that licked off of the edges. I had never seen an insignia such as this; it was very odd I guessed it belonged to some group he was in. The rain then started to go into a light drizzle but I wished it would continue seeing as my temperature was heading up in an alarming rate. I managed to move my fingers which was a great start and could feel my legs again. Which of course went numb again once he started to speak. His low voice echoed as if we were in a large room but had a certain kindness to it.

A trick?-most likely, but if he was going to kill me it would have been long before.‘’Ella,’’ he hesitated and peered over my shoulder. Which couldn’t have been hard as he was reaching six nine and myself five eight. ‘’ The time has come, and you must face the guardian…if not-all will be then lost.’’ I just went from a small town girl to some sort of hero? Well there is your turn of events. What it all meant? No idea, I was just as confused as you probably are. ‘’I know you are confused, and probably thinking this is some type of dre-.’’ There was some rustling behind me and the stranger grimaced and grunted. ‘’Just what we needed…’’ That was when the growling began.
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:04 pm


Well, it's a nice idea, I think.
You have quite a bunch of small errors though.
(damn me for being a grammar nazi >.<)
But I won't mention them unless you want me to. -holds tongue-
Pretty good so far though. ^^

blackfadedvelvet

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crazystraightjacketgirl1

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:54 pm


yea i do know that, late at night can do that to you. just keep forgetting to edit it. i dont mind if you point them out though go on right ahead its all for the best
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:56 pm


I like it a lot. Other than a few grammatical errors, it was very good. You had a fair amount of detail in this, which is more that I can say for some people who write. I wouldn't mind reading more of this at all.

Sorinchako

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Prose - Sentences And Paragraphs? That'll Go Here!

 
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