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Did you know him?

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Betty Sue Is Dead

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 1:04 am


I need some criticism on this one. I'm going to put this in the beginning of my story. Not to mention I’m naming my story after this poem. So thanks in advance if you could leave me some friendly advice on how to fix it.

Did You Know Him?
She did
She born him into this world
She held his little toddler hands
And had no doubts or worry
That one day he would turn on her

That day came
And she felt so ashamed
Of letting him go astray
She tried to bring him back
But failed
And she no longer knew him

Did you know him?
He was charming
And I loved him very much
Nothing was ever alarming

When I was little and would cry
Big brother helped me
He made the tears vanish
I thought I knew him well
But I no longer do

Did you know him?
He was a son
That went astray
What a dismay
He was an older brother
That never seemed alarming
He used to be very charming

Did you know him?
No one does anymore
No one
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:49 pm


I thought it was good.

D: It sent a chill down my spine.

Fierydingleberry

Hygienic Sex Symbol

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Poetry - Post All Your Poetry Here!

 
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