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 Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:13 pm
Player: Xeraphem
Name: Zacharaya Alexander Slate, or simply Slate.
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Age: 34
Appearance: Slate has slicked back brown hair that has visible signs of white at the temples and sideburns, despite his age. He wears rimless spectacles, which most folks call him a quack for using. He wears woolen, blue dyed pants and a matching shirt. He wears brown socks and boots, and carries a cured-hide pouch that contains knuckle enhancers for simple protection, nothing more.
Magic: (None yet, but it will become a big part of the RP eventually)
Personality: He is extremely fidgety and nervous, even more so with the opposite sex around, and has constant habits like pushing up his spectacles the bridge of his nose. He is very well mannered and polite to the higher ups in society, and is easily skipped over within a crowd. Nothing very unusual except for the fact that he carries a work of literature under his arm at all times.
History: Being left-handed, he was always regarded with a kind of mistrust from either parent, the superstitious fools. Yet, despite all that he has put up with, he has gone on to become a well practiced man of medicine along the outer colonies. He has been making his way towards the inner baronies, in hopes of getting any piece of work the old mystics, or Mannai, as they are reffered to in the town of Derascaithe, left behind in Menevyr. He has seen little in his travels, hell, the only excitement he usually gets is when a village is in need of herbal supplements. In every town, however, he has been able to find a little piece of literature, albeit poorly written folklore, in each town about the Mannai. As of late, he has resided in the village of Nown, a little peasant town that resides ever so slightly beyond the borders of the barren plots of earth that store the creatures, the Bad Lands, the people in Nown call them. He is soon to set off, before any ruckus can be caused between the species.
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Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:37 am
Why would people call him a quack for wearing rimless spectacles?
Why did you italicize and underline pants? o0
"He wears woolen, blue dyed pants and a matching shirt" So it felt like he was wearing pajamas since he's wearing blue woolen pants and blue woolen shirt.
"has constant habits like pushing up his spectacles the bridge of his nose." I think you should describe this rimless spectacles because I'm not sure we're sharing the idea of how these spectacles look like.
"and is easily skipped over within a crowd." How can he be easily skipped over? Write about it more.
Your history section has a voice. Is that supposed to add flavor it and perhaps that's how the character talks?
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:05 am
Euphoric Ghost Why would people call him a quack for wearing rimless spectacles? Why did you italicize and underline pants? o0 "He wears woolen, blue dyed pants and a matching shirt" So it felt like he was wearing pajamas since he's wearing blue woolen pants and blue woolen shirt. "has constant habits like pushing up his spectacles the bridge of his nose." I think you should describe this rimless spectacles because I'm not sure we're sharing the idea of how these spectacles look like. "and is easily skipped over within a crowd." How can he be easily skipped over? Write about it more. Your history section has a voice. Is that supposed to add flavor it and perhaps that's how the character talks? Honestly, I think this review kind of is full of sheep skin, and I believe you shouldn't take much notice of it. What he's asking you to define is a bit obvious really. In my opninion your character could use just a bit more background, as to why he's fidgety and nervous; has he been this way since he was born, and is a natural thing to expect from him, or did something happen to make like this? Also, what is this character's goal? Why is the basic question I'd ask. Other than that it's very well written out.
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